Anomalous Noodge

That's Right, Bitch

2005-11-02T16:36:00.000-05:00

A jury returns a unanimous decision to sentence Nicole Diar to death. She is convicted of killing her 4-year-old son.

NewsChannel5 reported a Lorain County jury found her guilty of killing her son and then setting her house on fire to hide the crime.

Officials said she drugged Jacob with codeine, then strangled him as he slept in his bedroom in August 2003.

The jury found Diar guilty on all 10 charges against her, including aggravated murder, aggravated arson and tampering with evidence.

Of course, she says she's innocent. Because people are always sneaking in to houses, drugging and strangling kids, then burning the house down to cover it up? Sure. I heard on the news that first, she "had evidence" that proved she didn't do it and wanted a new trial. That was right after she was found guilty. The judge denied her ass for a new trial. Smart judge. Then when it came to the sentencing part of her trial, her lawyer was claiming that she shouldn't get the death penalty because she can be reformed. Reformed? Well, if she's innocent, no she can't. She didn't do anything, remember? But since she's obviously guilty as hell, I think she's only getting what she deserves. Maybe she can be reformed, but her little boy can't. Because she murdered him.

What the hell is wrong with people? If you don't want you kids, fine. That's all you. Talk to someone about it. Maybe a therapist or a relative or a friend or anybody! But to decide that the best way to get out of motherhood is to take the little life of a child.... a child who trusts you!? That's what gets me the most. HOW how how how could anyone do that? To their own child?

Just this morning, I saw (on the news) a man was arrested for putting his son in a cage and scalding him. The little boy died of complications in the hospital. The "father" has been arrested for abusing this child before! He's also "innocent". Of course he is. They all are.

I'm feeling sick.

OMG, Look Who's Posting!

2005-10-31T08:04:00.000-05:00

First, I would like to say that I absolutely HATE "omg". So much so that I feel the compulsive need to use it constantly. Second, HAPPY HALLOWEEN! If you know me at all, you know it's my favorite, favorite holiday. No big plans though. Just some good old family fun in the form of trick-or-treating with the kiddo. She's going as an angel. I was thinking about dressing up as a devil. I'm not actually going to, but I was thinking about it. It would be cute. I definitely want to wear something out of the norm. It's my once chance out of 365 days that I can actually wear anything I want and it's accepted. I think I'll just slather on a lot of makeup, wear my vinyl pants and call myself a rock star. I could even carry my guitar around. I'm not actually going to, but I was thinking about it. Anyway, so I haven't been up to much lately. Just taking some time off from blogging. I was trying to figure out if I wanted to keep going with this or not. Up until about yesterday I was not going to come back. There's been a serious decline of anything resembling good posts around here and I thought, get out while I was still kind of ahead. But yesterday was a good-ish day, meaning I have made some decisions about what I want to do. I filled out a couple of job applications on Thursday and even had an interview on the spot. The manager actually said he would have offered me a job on the spot, but I had to go home and take this personality quiz online. You know, one of those things where you had to choose between agree, disagree, neutral, strongly disagree, or strongly agree for questions about how you feel about things in general. And pick the best and worst responses to situations. Stuff like that. So, if I "pass" that, I guess I'll have a job. I remember the days when you could just fill out an application and have a job. Now they want you to have a complete physical, mental and emotional examination. Maybe they're trying to tell me that I must be crazy if I want to work there. Though I don't know if I'll take that job because it's for waitressing. Being a server = $2.13/hr. plus tips. Best case scenario at that rate, I would make $85.00 a week before tips and taxes (and that's for a full 40 hour week). And I know from experience that servers get to deal with a lot of shit from a lot of shitty people. Customers come in 10 minutes before closing and stay for 3 hours, just chatting and drinking and pretending that they're the only ones with a life. But if it's all I can get, I'll take it. It's better than nothing. Also, I've been looking into going to get training to be an EMT. It's something I've wanted to do for about 3 years and I have no clue what I've been waiting for. I already know some of the basics from being a lifeguard (CPR, rescue breathing, spinals, head and neck injuries, diseases, etc.). Should be relatively easy for me. Besides, I think I learn pretty quick. Then eventually, I can go to be a paramedic, maybe even a nurse. Who knows. The only problem I'm having is that the school website isn't giving me any information about classes. I don't know if they're just not offering the class right now or what. Most of the other classes have schedules and prices. This has nothing. So I'm going to have to call them. I hate calling! I would much rather deal with people in person. Anyway, so things seem to be looking up. Which is good. So, I'm excited. Also good. Good, good, good. And it's amazing how you start to think you're spelling the word "good" wrong after you type it so many times.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Days?

2005-10-13T15:07:00.000-04:00

For the last couple days I have had the name Leather Tuscadero (slap leg twice here) stuck in my head. Along with the movie Little Darlings (which, I was surprised to find out, is as old as I am). I don't know where either of these things came from, but what is the connection? I checked the movie info and Suzie Quatro (Leather Tuscadero) wasn't mentioned. Maybe one of the girls from the movie reminded me of her (or she reminded me of one of the girls). Or was her name mentioned in the movie? It's driving me crazy!

Don't Bite Eat The Hand That Feeds You

2005-10-12T08:27:00.000-04:00

At first I couldn't help but giggle a little over THIS story, but after thinking about it, it's a little upsetting. A man from Beijing was actually eaten by his own farm animals. And the animals? They were black bears! What the hell did he expect? Sure, they look all cute and fuzzy on the Discovery channel, but this guy had to know that they're ferocious carnivores. I mean, come on! Apparently bear farming isn't all that unusual in China and the reason why is so gross. The farmers surgically implant a catheter in the bear's gall bladder to extract bile. Or , if they want to be real jerks about it, they just open a hole in the bear's abdomen and let it drip out. But BILE?! Ewww!

More than 200 farms in China keep about 7000 bears to tap their bile, which traditional Chinese medicine holds can cure fever, liver illness and sore eyes.

Bear farming was far more widespread before the cruelty involved came to light and Beijing introduced regulations to control the industry in 1993.

Animal welfare groups have called on China to completely ban bear farming, arguing that traditional herbal medicines can serve the same purposes as bear bile.

If I had a fever, I sure as hell wouldn't be sipping on some bear bile to feel better. A couple aspirin maybe, but certainly not liver secretions. And speaking of which, what about the bears?! According to Dictionary.com, bile "aids in the emulsification, digestion, and absorption of fats". So... the bears don't get to use their own bile, but humans do? Or do humans get some sort of recycled stuff (is that possible?) or what? That's why this is upsetting to me, by the way. I'm not upset about the man because he knew the risks and he's a douche for farming the bears in the first place. But the bears didn't really have a choice.

I understand that some people want to stick to their traditional ways and all that, but if herbal remedies can take the place of animal cruelty, why not use them? Herbs are traditional. Leaves and twigs and grasses and bark and plants and berries have been used in medicine for-ev-er!

Some people just don't make sense to me.

Hey Look, A Quiz

2005-10-11T09:23:00.000-04:00

I'm a Talent!

You're a risk-taker, and you follow your passions. You're determined to take on the world and succeed on your own terms. Whether in the arts, science, engineering, business, or politics, you fearlessly express your own vision of the world. You're not afraid of a fight, and you're not afraid to bet your future on your own abilities. If you find a job boring or stifling, you're already preparing your resume. You believe in doing what you love, and you're not willing to settle for an ordinary life.

Talent: 63%
Lifer: 52%
Mandarin: 22%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.

Yeah, sure.

Warning : Content Contains 75% Whining and 25% Feeling Sorry For Myself

2005-10-04T23:17:00.000-04:00

Things are getting so predictable around here. Sometimes it seems like my whole day is scheduled down to the minute. It's not, really. Still, I'm getting really antsy. It's like I want to do something meaningful but if I do something meaningful just to have something meaningful, does that make it meaningless? It's so bad that every time I watch those "reality shows" where people compete to win some sort of contract it's like, "I wanna do that". Then I'll watch a movie where someone does something heroic and again, I'm like, "I WANT that!". Every time I see someone doing something, basically, other than what I'm doing (which is nothing) I just want to be them. I've always had big dreams... and that's as far as it went. I'm just really afraid I'll never do anything great. Not that I have to do something great to be happy. I just have to do something. I want so much it's frustrating. I'm looking for a job, I want to take ballroom dancing lessons, I want to go to school or take some kind of "career" classes (paramedic, zoologist, toxicologist, cosmotologist, firefighter, medical researcher of some sort, police officer, teacher, you name it, I've probably wanted to do it). I want to start exercising so I'll have more energy, I want to quit smoking and eat right. I want to go away for a weekend, not because I need it, but because I want to see something new. I guess I'm just in one of those What Am I Doing With My Life funks. I'm just so convinced that I'm destined to be one of those overweight housewives, sitting around wearing a pink fuzzy robe and slipper with curlers in my hair, shoving bon bon down my throat while I watch my daily soaps. I know what you're saying. Quit complaining and do something about it, right? Let me tell you, I am a world class procrastinator. I just don't know where to start and it's so much easier to not even try. And I hate that I just said that, but it's true. It seems true enough to me, anyway. Shit. Shitshitshit. And everything sucks just a little more because The Boyfriend is never home (they're going into crazy overtime with the construction because the season is winding down) and when he is home he's asleep. And he has to make time for his friends and family so I just sort of get the leftover bits (ah, the benefits of a live-in). I shouldn't be upset about it, but I kind of am. Ok, not "kind of", I just am. It's selfish, but true. And living so far away from my home town (and everyone I know or knew), the only company I have is a 7 year old and 2 cats. The Kid and I aren't exactly on the same level, you understand. I can only chat about Disney princesses and how many nickels make a quarter for so long. And obviously the cats don't make for great conversation. They only "talk" to me when they want food or attention (Yeah great, add "Crazy Cat Lady" to that list of things I'm destined to become. Now I'm talking to cats?). I'm just very... angry with everything right now (because you didn't get that picture yet, right?). I don't know. Less bitching, more problem solving. Now that's an idea.

Are You Kidding Me?!

2005-09-28T21:44:00.000-04:00

I just put my baby to bed and just really really realized that the next time I see her (awake anyway) she will be 7 years old! Seven! Goodness, wasn't I just changing diapers and pushing her in a stroller and fighting with the damn car seat and wishing she had more hair (she had none until just after she turned three, then it was kind of like how old guys who are bald on top grow the back out to over compensate) yesterday? I just can't believe it. In fact, I refuse to believe it. That's right. I refuse. Although I doubt she'll go along with it. She has already asked me when she'll be old enough to stay home alone. More than once. Why on earth would a 7ish year old even want to stay home alone? Planning a big party with all her alcoholic friends, is she? At least she isn't mentioning boys... yet. Anyway, so yeah, I'm a little bit shocked about this whole growing up thing. Why didn't anyone tell me that was going to happen?! ;)

*****

And this is completely unrelated but I have to mention it because it's been on my mind constantly since the last time I saw the commercial. Am I the only one who is so freaking pissed that a certain insurance company is using the hurricane(s) to sell their product? If you've been watching tv, you might have seen the commercial where they show some of the destruction that has been done then proceed to tell you how helpful and wonderful they were to their customers and basically, if you switch to them, you'll live happily ever after. It's bullshit. I understand that they have a product to sell, that's their job and everything, but do they really have to use other people's ruined homes and lives to sell a couple more policies?! There's absolutely no other options? They can't come up with some other scenario that would make someone consider buying their shit? Like the people who have nothing left to go back to are just going to say, "They're so wonderful! Lets switch to their company! We have nothing left to insure, but just in case! We'll be so happy! Hooray for this company!". Get real. And while you're at it, get fucking sympathetic and quit worrying about your damn commission. Ok, I'm not being fair. I can't blame the people who just work there because I'm sure they don't go around to all the sales associates and ask for ideas for commercials. I should just be mad at the people who come up with the ideas then make the ideas happen, but (to me, anyway) it makes the whole company look bad. It's hard for me to blame one or two people when these one or two people are representing the hundreds (or thousands) of people who work for them when they say "We". I don't know. Maybe I'm overreacting.

But it still pisses me off.

Ew

2005-09-22T12:05:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately I just walked into the livingroom at the wrong time and caught a glimpse of Bush giving yet another one of his "I'm Single-Handedly Saving The World" speeches and DAMN does he look haggard. I guess the stress of keeping up with his lies is finally catching up with him. You would think he'd look more rejuvenate from all those vacations he likes so much. Hm.

Duh

2005-09-21T07:13:00.000-04:00

This is so not fair! There's nothing on aaalllll week long then all of a sudden, here's Wednesday and there's 3 different things on at 8:00pm that I like to watch. America's Next Top Model season premier from 8pm - 10pm. So You Think You Can Dance from 8pm - 9pm (shut up, Artem is yummy). And Ghost Hunters from 8pm - 10pm. Ok, so 8pm - 9pm is last week's episode of GH, so I will be flipping back and forth between Top Model and SYTYCD from 8pm - 9pm, then between Top Model and Ghost Hunters from 9pm - 10pm. Or, I could be smart about it and just record Top Model upstairs and watch Dance and Ghost Hunters downstairs. Wow. I guess there' no reason to even post now, seeing as how I just had that stroke of genius. Ok, nevermind, problem solved. :)

You Can't See Me But I Am Scowling Maniacally

2005-09-18T02:47:00.000-04:00

I can't believe I totally forgot about this until just a few minutes ago. Now I'm all pissed off and need to vent. Lucky you. A little background info: Last week (Friday or Saturday, I believe) I was on the computer and the power went out for a couple seconds then came back on. I didn't really think anything of it because our power company (or the lines or something) sucks. Then on Sunday the power went out and stayed out. But only on the computer, fridge, washing machine, a/c, microwave and the coffee machine. Basically, 3/4 of the kitchen and the area directly below those 3/4 in the basement. Wonderful. So The Boyfriend went downstairs to play around with the breaker box (or fuse box? Don't ask me, I'm a girl and that's a boy job), but according to that, everything was fine. He ended up disconnecting everything then reconnecting. That made things work just great for about 3 minutes and then the kitchen shut down again. It was at this point he called to power company (and I started a pot of coffee in the bathroom). So they came out, poked around at the meter and determine that ... something-or-other needed replaced. So The Boyfriend tells the landlady's daughter who promises to pass along the message. Ok, now we're getting to the part that pissed me off. Ok, so Monday I came home from getting my hair cut and the landlady was waiting for me outside (she must have been hovering by her front window just waiting for me to pull in). She said that she called the power company and they came out and looked at the meter but they wanted to go in our basement so ... (here it comes) she tried to use her key to get in but The Boyfriend did not give her one. Did we change the locks? The landlord must have a key. Did you read that? She tried to use her key to get into my house when I was not home ... Without my permission! Then the next part about The Boyfriend not giving her a key? Wrong. I was right there when he gave her a key and she took the price of the doorknob out of the rent (he replaced the front doorknob at one point because the old one kept jamming up). He said he would get a copy of the key made and give it to her later that evening and instead, she demanded that I give her my key then go get a copy made for me. So my question is, what happened to the key he gave her? She has her [keywords coming up] convicted felon grandson living in her house, the other half of our duplex, and she can't find our house key?! Niiice! Every time I think about it it just pisses me off more! Just because she owns the place, it doesn't mean she can come and go as she pleases, especially since we had someone out at the house the night before and he told us exactly what was wrong (the same thing her power guy concluded) and it had nothing to do with the inside of the house. That would be like leasing a car from a dealership and then them deciding they want to borrow it for the weekend because technically they still own it. (Well, I guess technically "technically", the bank owns it, but still... you get the idea of what I'm going for here, even if it is a little exaggerated.) It's bullshit! I am soooo angry right now. How did I forget about this for almost a week?! Oh, and speaking of one week, that shit still isn't fixed (the first power guy jimmied it to make it work temporarily). Dammit, I am so mad I don't even know how to end this post (I'm considering a long string of profanities). Nah, I'll skip the profanities and just end it with GGRRRRR!!

What A Shitty Deal!

2005-09-13T17:24:00.000-04:00

I just got off the phone with The Boyfriend and I am totally pissed. Not at him, but at his stupid ass employer. Ok, the other day they told the guys that they had to work a double today because there was a night job scheduled for tonight and if they didn't work during the day, "technically" they would miss a day of work. So The Boyfriend figured he would be home around 11:30pm tonight (he leaves at 6:20am). Apparently when this company says "double shift", what they really mean is "24 hours". So this means that he won't be home until around 7:30 tomorrow morning. THEN he has to be back at work at 7:00 tomorrow night for the second night shift and because the days would be messed up because of the night shifts, they'll probably have to work another 24 hour shift into Thursday. That's 48 hours of work in 2 and 1/2 days. It's a paving company! They're dealing with asphalt. I think it's about 400 degrees (I could be way off). Plus, the temperature has been back in the upper 80's the past couple of days. Today's forecast was sunny and 88 degrees. Tomorrow it will be in the 80's with PM thunderstorms. Thankfully it's only supposed to be around 75 degrees on Thursday. Ooooh, I am so pissed at these sadistic construction supervisors! Have these people ever heard of heat exhaustion? Or actually, just plain old exhaustion, period? A little heat stroke with a side order of dehydration maybe? Stupid fuckers. *GLARE* ihatethem!ihatethem!ihatethem!

*For the record, I'm not flopping around on the floor, kicking my legs and pounding my fists (............ yet).

I'm Too Sexy For My Hair

2005-09-13T06:44:00.000-04:00

**I wrote this yesterday, but Blogger was being uncooperative**

I must be crazy. When I woke up this morning, my hair was down to the middle of my back. And now? It's not even touching my shoulders. Yeah, I went in for a trim and decided to chop it all off (not very good planning on my part, considering winter is on it's way). Anyway, so I browsed the book in the salon, pointed to a picture and the girl started snipping. After about 2 cuts, I almost started crying but then I mentally bitch slapped myself and told me to quit being such a superficial douchebag. It's just hair. If I totally, completely, utterly hate it, I can always get extensions. Besides, what if I loved it? And after sitting through watching 2 years worth of hair get sheared of my head, well... I love it. I actually almost look my age now. Almost. That was actually the deciding factor. I asked her if cutting it short would make me look older and she said that generally, the shorter it is, the older you look. I guess I'll have to get a buzz cut if I want to get past the whole "I'm actually 25... no, really... I assure you, I am 25, do you wanna see my ID?" look. It's even possible that I could now get into a bar without the bouncer looking at me, then my ID, then back at me, then back at my ID, while trying to determine if it's fake. Not that I really give a crap since I don't drink and the only reason I ever go to bars is to be the DD (...um, that's designated driver, not drunk driver). But I'm excited for my daughter to get home from school and especially The Boyfriend to get home from work (he liked when my hair was short before). Hooray for looking like a grown up!

This Should Piss You Off

2005-09-07T17:02:00.000-04:00

I love the compassion that the Bush family is showing for all the hurricane victims. No really, they're just great. So caring and understanding and ready to lend a hand where ever they can. Oh, and by the way, that was sarcasm.

Commenting on the facilities that have been set up for the evacuees -- cots crammed side-by-side in a huge stadium where the lights never go out and the sound of sobbing children never completely ceases -- former First Lady Barbara Bush concluded that the poor people of New Orleans had lucked out.

Oh yes, the people who lost everything they have worked so hard for all their lives are lucky! Read on...

"Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this, this is working very well for them," Mrs. Bush told American Public Media's "Marketplace" program, before returning to her multi-million dollar Houston home.

On the tape of the interview, Mrs. Bush chuckles audibly as she observes just how great things are going for families that are separated from loved ones, people who have been forced to abandon their homes and the only community where they have ever lived, and parents who are explaining to children that their pets, their toys and in some cases their friends may be lost forever. Perhaps the former first lady was amusing herself with the notion that evacuees without bread could eat cake.

Wait, they're going to get cake?! Those lucky bastards! Those lucky, lucky homeless, miserable, scared, tired, lonely people!

And now, the very best (and only respectable) part of this article...

... Republican lawmakers were giving the federal government an "F" for its response to the crisis ...

Finally! Some honesty! It's about damn time. And it only took... what, 9 years for them to realize that The Family That Would Not Leave Washington is full of idiots and assholes. Nice. Of course, while they (Republican lawmakers) were doing that, Mr. President and FEMA chief, Michael Brown, were (OF COURSE) raving about how wonderful a job they were doing to help. Love it! I guess it turns out that denial is the best policy. And all this time I thought it was honesty.

Anyway, like the article says, Like Mother, Like Son.

Hey, Mr. Sandman! Get Your Lazy Ass Over Here!

2005-08-30T09:44:00.000-04:00

I.Am.So.Tired. For some reason, I could not fall asleep last night (this is starting to become a habit). I laid in bed for a couple hours, first reading, then just closing my eyes and trying to force sleep to happen. It didn't work. So I did the very worst possible thing. I went downstairs and turned on the tv. And Coming To America was just starting, and I'll be damned if I can pass up an Eddie Murphy movie... even if it is the middle of the damn night (I finally realized why there is nothing good on t.v. during the day - they save it all for the people who can't sleep). I tried, I mean really tried to stop watching, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Besides, even though I was exhausted, I was WIDE awake. Sounds impossible but trust me, it's not. Anyway, so I was glancing at the clock roughly every 2 minutes, watching it creep closer and closer to 6:00am. Finally around 4:00am I fell asleep. So, I'm going on 2 hours of sleep. And not even 2 uninterrupted hours of sleep. I've mentioned my kitten. And I've mentioned how much he loves to stalk and headbutt me. What I haven't mentioned is how laying down just makes me seem more inviting. I'm practically screaming, "Please Pounce On My Head And Walk On My Back While I'm Trying To Sleep!". *glare* Douchebag cat. So I'm tired and cranky and hungry and dammit, I'm cold. Today is going to be so pleasant. It's only 9:30am and I'm already bitching.

Hey, I Know You!

2005-08-29T08:05:00.000-04:00

On Friday afternoon The Kid came home from school freaking out about her "new best friend" and "can she come over some time if her mom says it's ok?". Well, it turns out that this little girl rides her bus (she didn't ride the bus the first week of school). And it just so happens that I already know this little girl... and her mom. It's the same little girl that was accidentally dropped off at my house at the beginning of last year. She's very sweet - of course, I only got to know her for about 15 minutes and she was probably too terrified to be anything but silent except when she was telling me her phone number. Anyway, she only lives about four houses down and I'm pretty sure she's an only child so that gives her and my kiddo something in common (of course, that could also mean that eventually there will be no way they can be friends because they're both used to getting what they want - then again, they could fill in for each other where siblings would normally fit). Anyway, so that makes 2 girls within a five house radius that are about my daughter's age. This is good. She's getting to the age where she will be meeting other children on her own and they'll be wanting to go to each other's houses and, in my opinion, the closer they live the better. It just makes me feel a little less nervous about letting her out of my sight or more than 2 seconds. I don't know how my parents kept their sanity when I was her age. I was always running around with the neighbor kids. Then again, it was the 80's. How do other parents not go crazy with worry every time their kids want to go to other people's houses these days? Is there some special trick to it? Anyway, she seems to be adjusting to all day classes in 1st grade just fine and making friends left an right. She's happy, I'm happy. Yes, happy happy happy. I'm not panicking. Really, I'm not.

Now I Remember Why I Didn't Like Cats

2005-08-26T07:46:00.000-04:00

For the past few days I've had my suspicions that one or both of the cats have been using my very large plant as a litter box. I now have proof. Cats are supposed to bury their stuff, right? Well, looks like somebody got lazy because there it is, right in plain view. Ok, I understand that dirt kind of, sort of looks like litter but what the hell makes them think that I would keep a box of shit in the livingroom?! Because I'm a nice person and I'm just trying to make their bathroom experience a little more convenient? You would think that repeated squirtings with the water bottle would deter them from going near the damn thing, but nooooo. Aside from digging a moat, I can't really think of anything that would change their minds about pooping in my plant. Stupid, stupid, stupid cats. I've come to the conclusion that if I ever get another pet, it will be a dog. Or better yet, a bunny. At least you won't step in a bunny's ... um ... present.

Back To School

2005-08-25T07:41:00.000-04:00

I just sent my baby off to her first day of big kid school. A whoooole day of school instead of just the 2 hours that she had for kindergarten last year. And let me tell you, I didn't sleep for crap last night. I went to bed around 11:00pm and laid there, wide awake, until at least midnight. Then every time I started to doze off, I bolted awake, totally uncomfortable and had to flop around and try to doze off again. Finally I fell asleep ... and woke up at 3:00am, 3:34am, 5:27am then finally at 6:00am the second the alarm went off. I don't know why it stresses me out so much but every time my schedule changes (like when she starts school, or I start a new job, or even if I have an appointment or something) I cannot sleep! The night before is total hell. She, on the other hand, went to bed at 9:00pm, closed her eyes and stayed that way that until I woke her up at 6:25am, when she promptly exclaimed, "I have to get up ALREADY?! I hate school!". Then she remembered that she wanted to go to school and hopped up and got ready in about 2.3 seconds. She was so excited. I hope she continues to like school for at least a few more years... like, this year + 11... + 4.

...Hey, a mother can dream.

A Little Lesson In The Form Of A Joke

2005-08-18T09:38:00.000-04:00

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:

"When I was born I was black, "
"When I grew up I was black, "
"When I'm sick I'm black, "
"When I go in the sun I'm black, "
"When I'm cold I'm black, "
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."

"When you're born you're pink, "
"When you grow up you're white, "
"When you're sick, you're green, "
"When you go in the sun you turn red, "
"When you're cold you turn blue, "
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

In Reference To My Last Post

2005-08-17T23:08:00.000-04:00

I must say, 24 hours after the What-The-Hell-Have-I-Done? feeling, I am completely loving my hair. I just started straightening it with a flat iron and I noticed that a) it has toned down into the exact shade I was aiming for and b) there was a reason why it was called "Chocolate Caramel Medium Golden Mahogany Brown". You can see every single color listed on that box. (I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to the box for calling it a liar last night.) I took my hair and twisted it lightly and you could clearly see blond which turned to red which turned to brown, depending on which way the light was hitting it. Woo! Ok, now that you know I'm happy with my hair, you can get of the edge of your seats and go back to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Stupid Box! You Lied To Me!

2005-08-17T01:11:00.000-04:00

Wow. I'm a little speechless right now. I dyed my hair for the first time in about 3 years and it's dry enough to see what it really looks like. Let's just say, it's not what I expected. I was going for a dark, rich brown (from naturally [ugly] light brown), so I figured that when I picked out something called "Chocolate Caramel" and subtitled "Medium Golden Mahogany Brown" I was all set. In fact, "Mahogany" was the exact color I had in mind when I decided to peruse the hair dyes. Well this particular dye has just the tiniest hint of red in it and is the perfect color... ON THE BOX! In reality it looks like I dunked my head in a vat of krazy glue and carefully applied very shiny rust to my head. I'm hoping it will tone down a little after a couple of washings because really... Bozo The Clown would be envious. It's only hair and it's not a huge deal, but wowza (I'm still in transformation shock). Really, really ... um... coppery is not what I was hoping for. None of the sample colors on the box even remotely resemble what I see in the mirror. I've had red hair before (that time on purpose) and I didn't like it because it made my pasty white face look even more sickly. The living dead look just isn't good for me. I don't know what it is about red, it just looks bad on me. Or more specifically, on my head. Oh well. I guess I'll have to wait it out and see if my hair looks a little less...um... on fire in a couple of days. And if not, you know, I can just keep dying it until I either find the right color or fry my hair completely and go bald. Which ever comes first.

I SO Need A Break!

2005-08-15T15:14:00.000-04:00

I am so irritated! I have been "knitting" THIS hoodie for the past hour and a half. Do you know how far I've gotten? I've gotten about 3 rows into it 6 different times and had to tear it out and start over. First I was confused on how to follow the chart. Row one you follow right to left, then row two you follow left to right and so on. So after knitting a couple rows, I started over the right way. Ok, so it wasn't the right way, because I started purling when I should have been knitting, so the cables were going to come out wrong. Again, I started over. I can't remember what I did wrong the other 3 times, but obviously something, or I would be halfway done with the damn sleeve by now. Anyway, the last time, I miscounted and the cables were, once again, going to come out wrong. ARGH! So not only am I getting my ass kicked by yarn of all things, my new kitten, seriously, is totally up my butt the whole time. Not only do kitties love to play with yarn, but he also likes to smack at the end of my knitting needle as I'm trying to make this damn thing work. But the best part? He's very social and insists on being on my lap... At.All.Times - trying to headbutt my nose. Yeah. And after many attempts on my part to set him aside, he just waits for me to lean forward to check the chart and darts behind my back and makes himself comfy so I can't sit back. So I reposition myself and eventually he makes his way on top of me again. The other day, in another effort to stalk and headbutt me, he jumped from the couch onto my shoulder while I was sitting at the computer desk. My shoulder! Who does that?! Apparently I'm a pirate and he's a parrot? I don't want him to completely go away because, you know, he's oddly social. But maybe, just go far enough away that I can move without first having to move him. Anyway, I'm going to get back to trying to conquer this damn sweater now. Or at least the first 4 rows.

Oh, and for you knitters thinking about making this, the hoodie is labeled "piquant", but it's really not hard. You just have to make sure you're reading the charts right. Or you'll be starting over... and over... and over.

Earth Is Already Ruined, Let's Do Mars Next!

2005-08-11T10:11:00.000-04:00

It is possible that I am completely out of line here, but THIS just pisses me off.

CBS News Correspondent Jerry Bowen reports on a plan to turn the Red Planet into a green one Â one that could support life.

"What we propose is to use greenhouse gases Â the same ones that are currently on the earth causing climate change," said Margarita Marinova, a graduate student at the California Institute of Technology.

That's right. Earthlings are thinking of using the same toxic stuff already blamed for global warming here to put some life back on Mars.

So, let me get this straight... we're supposed to protect our environment on Earth but while we're doing that, scientists are basically destroying Mars so in about 1,000 years they might be able to grow some grass there? Yeah, sounds great.

As Marinova explains it, the devilÂs in the details. And the little devilÂs name is octafluoropropane.

"This is our favorite molecule,Â Marinova said.

Octafluoropropane is a really nasty greenhouse gas that is the by-product of circuit board production on Earth. It is so powerful that in MarsÂ thin atmosphere, it would really pack a punch.

...

It would take hundreds of years but eventually ice sheets would melt, grass would grow here, and temperatures would hit 50 degrees along the equator of the planet. Martian organisms might be revived too Â if there are any.

Ok, so lets pretend for 2 seconds that there is already life on Mars and nobody knows about it (yeah, I'm talking about aliens). What would happen to them if their atmosphere suddenly started filling with toxins? Just because some scientist wanted to play god or whatever. I don't know. It just doesn't seem like a good idea. What if this change in Mars' atmosphere has some effect on Earth? You would think that warming the planet next to us would make it even hotter here. Haven't they been bitching about that for years?! "Ooh, global warming, it's too hot here, you're ruining Earth!" But it's ok if it's their idea to do it on purpose? *glare* What-the-hell-ever. Thoughts?

I Love Kitty Shit

2005-08-08T10:34:00.000-04:00

In reference to my title, I don't really love kitty shit. But apparently according to our new 13 week old kitten, I do. He's all black and his name is Simon. And wouldn't you know, our other cat, who is about a year older and twice Simon's size (she was the runt of her litter), is afraid of him when he hisses. I feel so bad because Lucy (the older cat) is acting like she thinks we're trying to replace her. You call her name and she won't even look at you. Oh my goodness, right now as I type this, my daughter has Simon in her Barbie house all covered up with little pieces of fabric... And the kitten is just laying there like it's totally cool for a boy to be hanging out in a pink and purple house. Anyway, his sister was at the store and she looked exactly like Lucy, only she didn't have a tail. She had a little nub. Oh, anyway, the story of my title. So last night I showed him the litter box a couple times in an attempt to get him to do his thing. Both times he just kind of explored it then went on his merry way. Then later in the evening he started meowing like, "Hey you guys, something is going to happen!". So I grabbed him and hurried to the litter box... just in case. And I was right because as soon as I put him down he let loose... only, a few seconds later I realized that he didn't completely wait until he was in the box. He decided that my shirt and hand made a suitable pooping spot. Do you realize how gross that is?! Ok, so I have a kid and have had worse and far larger amounts of yucky stuff on me but well, nobody likes to be shit on. Especially with that runny-ish, stinky as hell kitten doodie. *gag* So, now that I've grossed you out with specifics...

Have a great day!

The Burning Question Is Finally Answered!

2005-08-03T22:34:00.000-04:00

How excited am I?! I was just checking out My Yahoo and I saw THIS story about a book I MUST get, simply titled - "Why Do Men Have Nipples? - Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini."

"People tend to know so little about their bodies as compared to their cars or their laptops," said Leyner, 49, of Hoboken, New Jersey. "When I worked in a pharmacy in Washington, D.C., people would ask me medical questions all the time. I was just a 22-year-old cashier at Rite Aid."

Chattering teeth is one way the body tries to generate heat.

When the body gets too cold, the area of the brain called the hypothalamus alerts the rest of the body to begin warming up. Shivering, the rapid muscle movement that generates heat, then begins. Teeth chattering represents localized shivering.

During the course of their research, Goldberg and Leyner found reports of gonorrhea, pinworm and roundworm found on toilet seats -- but catching something from it isn't common.

The authors discovered that an office setting might be worse for your health than toilet seats. Charles Gerba, a microbiologist at the University of Arizona, found the typical office desk harbors some 400 times more disease-causing bacteria than the average toilet seat.

Goldberg had compiled a list of nagging questions for several years before embarking on the book after meeting Leyner. The two met while working on a short-lived ABC-TV medical drama, "Wonderland," in which Leyner served as a writer, while Goldberg was its medical advisor.

The book tells you what causes "morning breath", why beans give you gas, why you shouldn't suck the poison out of snake bites, and the question... Why Do Men Have Nipples? (Actually, you just have to read the article to find the answer to that question.) But I am SO looking forward to getting this book. I am one of those "useless information" kind of people. I don't know much about anything other than shit no one really cares about. ... At last, I would have some good (and educational) info to pass around.

Teeth, It's What's For Dinner!

2005-08-02T10:35:00.000-04:00

A Taiwanese man is breathing easier after a surgeon removed a missing set of dentures from one of his bronchial tubes Â three years after he lost them in a fall.

Surgeon Chen Chun-lei said the unidentified man visited his clinic several days ago complaining of shortness of breath and a high fever.

The man had no idea the missing denture was the culprit, causing a mild case of pneumonia.

"He had looked for the missing dentures for three years but they were nowhere to be found," Chen said.

Story HERE

Oh my gosh, I know this sound mean, but I'm doing my very best not to giggle right now. This totally gives new meaning to that threat about knocking someone's teeth down their throat. Anyway, I want to know why this guy, who fell hard enough to knock his falsies into his bronchial tube, never went to the hospital to make sure he didn't suffer some sort of serious injury after the incident. I would imagine he had to either smack his head on the ground, possibly breaking his nose or fracturing his skull, depending on which way he fell, or smack his ass on the ground, possibly injuring his spine or tail bone. I mean, you have to jar yourself pretty bad to involuntarily swallow your teeth. And didn't he have a sore throat or at least feel some sort of discomfort?

...Wonders never cease.

Dream Weaver

2005-07-29T09:56:00.000-04:00

I am so tired. I don't know what it is but for the past few nights I have been waking up roughly 50 times a night. The night before last I dreamed about my daughter, but in my dream she was still six but the size of a 2 or 3 month old. Weird. That's really all I remember about it. Then last night I dreamed about having a baby and I didn't even know I was pregnant. I didn't gain any weight or anything, I just went to the hospital and had her (I'm not sure if it was my daughter or another baby, it didn't look like her when she was that age) and as soon as I had her I left the hospital and went out shopping and was showing her off. WEIRD! I looked it up in my dream dictionary, but she wasn't dirty or especially clean or crying or sick or dead or anything specific that the book mentioned so I have no idea. So I looked up "child" but I wasn't playing with a group of children, and she wasn't particularly happy or sad, etc... so again, no idea. Maybe it's just because I've become increasingly paranoid about her safety. Like, if there's a fire or a break in or something like that and I can't get to her fast enough. The other night, The Boyfriend had the dryer running when we went to bed and I could not sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I saw flames. So I went downstairs and watched t.v. until the clothes were done drying. I'm so paranoid about fires. I swear, I am getting stranger by the second. I'm sure everyone worries about this stuff from time to time, but not nearly as much as I do... or maybe they do and I'm not so weird after all.

Anyway, Happy Friday! Now I'm going to go enjoy the not-too-hot-not-too-cold weather (finally).

Hello Again

2005-07-26T21:12:00.000-04:00

Hey, look who is actually taking the time to post! Where the hell have I been, you ask? Well, I'm back in the house with The Boyfriend. Yeah, we're back together. After packing and moving back to my parents' house, then moving back to this house, I'll be perfectly happy if I never see another box for as long as I live, thank you very much. Oh, and you guys? I love you! You were sooo nice to leave those comments and to keep checking back to see if I posted (how the hell did I manage to become a Marauding Marsupial while I was MIA?!). I've been meaning to post, especially since I've actually had stuff to post about but, you know, world class procrastinator here. And I've been meaning to redesign before I posted, but wouldn't you know, D drive, which held ALL my images and my image editing program and all that neat stuff, decided to take a crap 2 days ago. Luckily, I had a couple of templates from a long time ago that I never used. So, this is the best I could do under the circumstances. For now anyway. Well, I just wanted to update real quick and to let you guys know that you are SO awesome and that I'll be making my big comeback ... soon (oh, I know you're excited). And I can't wait to get back to ~~stalking~~ reading your blogs again!

Still Packing

2005-06-16T19:39:00.000-04:00

Hey all, I haven't been around much lately. I'm still packing... packing still sucks. I have a whole house to pack, but I don't know what to pack next. I don't want to pack a lot of things because what if I need it before I (completely) move? You know? Yuck. I've been making the hour drive out here every morning, then making the hour drive to my parents' house every night. Which sucks even more than packing. My truck gets crappy mileage... seems like it anyway. Other than the whole packing thing, I am just irritated in general. I had a doctor's appointment today to get the results of my blood work. He said my blood work is that of a teenager. So not only do I look like a teenager, the insides match as well. Then I had to go take a pre-employment drug test... what a degrading little experience that is. I drove past the place twice before I saw the teeny, tiny, faded paper "sign" for it. And to make it worse, it was on a rather busy road... I'm sure everyone who was stuck behind me was just loving me. Anyway, at least I don't have to worry about anything being wrong with my test. I am not just a party pooper, but the party pooper. Which I've been starting to question lately. You know, it seems like people who don't drink or do drugs have to work extra hard to have fun. And, dammit, I'm not having any fun and I just don't have the ...ambition (?) to try. I don't know.

But anyway, I had The Kid with me all day and she didn't listen to a word I said aaallll day. Argh! And she's still at it. She took one of the empty boxes and has been "driving" it around the house for 2 and a half hours. Very loudly. And because she's also pretending to be a mermaid, she's wearing a bag (as a dress or a fin or something) over her clothes, which is loud enough by itself. It's just extra irritating when I'm already really irritated.

Well, I don't really have much to say. Just thought I'd update real quick before I head back to my parents' house.

Single, Smoking & Stickers

2005-06-13T12:37:00.000-04:00

Well, guess who is single again. The same person who decided to quit smoking last night, then changed her mind this morning around 11:45am, then chain smoked to make up for lost time. [psst... I'm talking about myself here] Yeah, we've broken up about 1,000 times over the past couple years for a few hours each time (last time was the longest - 9 days), but this time it's for real. I am so fucking done. I just don't want to deal with the stupid relationship crap anymore. I need to go do my own thing now. I've been feeling out of sorts for a while, like I needed to do something big or something important. And dammit, enough with the procrastination. I don't know what I'm going to do, but ... whatever it is, I'm going to feel good about it and that is that.

On the up side, I stumbled across THIS oh-so-very-cool site last night which has banners (or as they call them, internet bumper stickers) such as these...

Talk about hours of entertainment. :)

I Live In A Nudist Colony?

2005-06-11T10:25:00.000-04:00

I was just getting a cup of coffee and happened to glance out the window just in time to see a little girl, probably about 5 years old, in her back yard... Naked. I don't think her mom was aware that she followed her out because she (mom) whipped around and the streaker took off running back into the house. Mom didn't look to happy. hee hee I would be pissed, but luckily I don't have to worry about it. My kiddo won't even make the 3 step trip from the bathroom to her bedroom wrapped in a towel if The Boyfriend is home, much less hang out in the backyard in her birthday suit.

OH! And speaking of birthdays, THIS fabulous girl, who very recently took the, "I Do, Forvever And Ever" vow, is celebrating her birthday today. So why don't you drop by and wish her a happy one?! And you can check out how adorable she and her new hubby look together.

A Quick Note

2005-06-10T14:03:00.000-04:00

[sarcasm] Hooray! My back is peeling! Sunburn rocks my socks! I can hardly wait until my back is just one big mass of flakes! [/sarcasm]

Too Tired To Think Of A Title

2005-06-10T00:39:00.000-04:00

Today seemed like it was going to be a bad day. I woke up before my alarm numerous times, which just gets annoying after the fourth or fifth time, so I gave up and rolled out of bed way too early. So then as I was getting ready (I had an interview for a job), I realized that one of my diamond earrings was not in my ear where it should be. Nice. The Kid and I searched for about 20 minutes and gave up. We're tenacious like that. So we get all ready to go, hop in the truck and I, being the total retard that I am, turned the wrong way out of the driveway. I have no idea what I was thinking. Well, instead of doing the logical thing and turning around, I thought to myself, "It's fine. I know an alternate route". Turns out that I do not, in fact, know an alternate route. So I basically just made a 20 minute circle through and around town. I rock. I still actually managed to make it to the interview on time though. A couple minutes early, in fact. So, my friend was there to meet me and take The Kid while I was wooing the job people (and ended up buying The Kid 2 new Barbies while she was at it) and I power walked aaaalllll the way to the back corner of the store... to wait 10 minutes for the interviewer to be ready. Weird thing was, I wasn't even nervous. I gave minimal thought to my clothing, make up, hair, or personality and I'm pretty sure I still got the job. Usually, I'm a totally different person during an interview. I use, what my dad likes to call, my Phone Voice. It automatically goes up about 14 octaves. I don't understand it. But this time, maybe because I didn't really care one way or the other, I was *gasp* MYSELF. What a concept, eh? And they (the manager and shift manager - it turned out to be 2 interviews) were talking like I already got the job anyway. The shift manager went into a lot of detail that most interviewers do not go in to if they don't plan on hiring you. They still have to do a background check, probably mostly because I'll be working over night with very minimal supervision, so they'll have to call if they want me to work there, but I'm about 98% sure I got it. I'm not sure if I should be happy or not. The hours are, to say the least, nowhere near perfect, but whatever. At least I wouldn't be dealing with people (other than the very few that I'll be working with). Major bonus! So anyway, I came home, yatta yatta yatta, went outside to water the flowers and noticed a tear in the greenhouse lining. Dammit! I knew I should have taken it off, but the cups of flowers would have blown everywhere if the wind picked up at all. So that kind of pissed me off. But then, a few hours later, The Kid comes running down the stairs and hands me my lost earring. YAY! So that was something definitely good. It was on the stairs. On the stairs?! I lost it in the bathroom, how did it get on the stairs? Besides, I checked the stairs about 4 times, just in case. But anyway, so that was my day. Now I'm going to go to bed because I am tired like whoa and I'm barely making sense.

School's Out For Summer

2005-06-07T12:38:00.000-04:00

Today is the last day of school for the [not so] little one and then she'll officially be a FIRST GRADER. When the hell did that happen?! I better go enjoy my sanity while I can. And start thinking of stuff to entertain her for the next couple months. I have zoo passes, so we can go to the zoo anytime we want (I heart the zoo like you wouldn't believe) and she likes to help me in the garden. Other than that, I'm fresh out of ideas. The normal entertainment (coloring, crafts, movies, the stupid, stupid sandbox that turns my back hallway into a beach, etc.) only works for so long then you have to start getting way creative. With the things I can think of, we should be good for about... oh, I'd say a good 2 and a half days. She's one of those kids that always wants to try new things. Any ideas?

Jeez, what did I do before school started? Why does it seem like it was so long ago that I can't even remember? Well, I'm off to relax a little before all the "I'm Bored"-ing begins.

WARM

2005-06-05T15:55:00.000-04:00

I've been wondering why I've been singing I'm A Little Tea Pot for the past 2 days...

...then I heard the ice cream truck. What kind of sadistic bastard plays that stupid song, or a song that sounds enough like it to make you sing it, Every Single Day? It's going to be a loooong summer.

Oh, and for future reference, when I'm cold and I say that I wish it was warmer, I do not mean that I wish it was so hot that I can't even go outside without melting my face off. It is not a good look for me. Right now it's 91 degrees F and "feels like 92 degrees F" according to weather.com And it's supposed to be near 90 degrees F for the next few days.

I repeat, it's going to be a loooong summer.

I'm A Chameleon

2005-06-04T21:28:00.000-04:00

Note To Self: Do Not, repeat, DO NOT, work outside in direct sunlight, when it's about 90 degrees in the shade. I'm not sure if it was actually 90 degrees in the shade, but I know that in the sun it was about 250 degrees. My shoulders and back can prove it. Though, for some reason, no matter how hard I tried to stay facing the sun so I could even out the burn, I can still blind people with my pasty whiteness when I turn toward them. Yeah, front half - WHITE, back half - red and pink and tannish. It's totally sexy. It's like semi-permanent full body camouflage. I could be right behind you and you would never know. Unless, of course, I face you and the sun hits my stomach just right. Then you won't be able to see anything.

But anyway, I was out playing around in the dirt (as in, digging up the yard to make more flower beds) for about 6 hours today. On one hand, I can't believe my back isn't more burnt, on the other hand, I cannot believe there is not even a hint of a tan on my stomach , chest or face. When The Boyfriend came home from work he joined in the fun by moving the greenhouse, leveling the ground with a shovel, laying down gravel, then moving the greenhouse back. All so the "Greenhouse Area" would look nicer. We gave up after my weak ass came inside and had to lay down in the middle of the livingroom because I got that, "Oh shit, I think I'm going to pass out" feeling. I've done it before. A couple times. I know the signs. And it's damn embarrassing. But, like I was saying, we were outside making the yard nicer and the landlady came out and was all excited that we were digging up her yard. I think she's hoping that we just get rid of all that pesky grass and replace it with flowers.

Weird thing, I had a glass container outside with tea bags and water in it. She asked what it was and I told her it was sun tea and she looked at me like I was crazy. You guys have heard of sun tea before, right? It's just iced tea made in the sun. She looked totally confused about the concept and was worried I would get sick from drinking it (awww). Then she was telling me about this stuff they make in her culture (she's Hungarian) in a container in the sun. It's cucumber slices and salt and bread and water (and maybe a couple things I don't remember). I asked her what it was, but her answer wasn't very clear. She said it's something you would find in a barrel, like pickles. So I'm guessing you are supposed to eat whatever the end product is. Anybody know?

Well, I'm fresh out of stuff to say other than thanks for all your comments about the breakup/makeup. You guys are so awesome! :)

More Random Things

2005-06-03T11:53:00.000-04:00

- Happy Friday, boys and girls!

- After about 9 days of not talking, The Boyfriend and I agreed that we didn't "try everything" to make it (us) work and we're going to give it just a little more time and see how things go.

- My parent's are going to be happy that we're trying to work things out, but totally ~~sad~~ disappointed that The Kid and I will not be moving back in with them (for now, anyway).

- The Kid found an old picture from when I was going through my 'drawing faces' phase and has now started a phase of her own. We'll call it the 'Draw About A Billion Faces And Run To Show Me Every Single One Of Them, Then Compare And Contrast Them All' phase. Ok, I want to encourage her to be creative, but I'll be damned if I can pretend to be excited after about the 90th picture.

- I finally took flowers (aka: seedlings that should be ready to bloom very, very soon) out of my greenhouse and put them in the ground. It put me in an exceptionally good mood. Now I'm going to go take more flowers out of my greenhouse and put them in the ground so I'll be in an exceptionally good mood again.

- I'm tired

- And I have a headache

- Probably from looking at so many drawings

A Few Random Things

2005-05-31T10:59:00.000-04:00

- My daughter has started saying things like "wicked cool" and "passion for fashion". She likes when I listen to New Found Glory and attempts to sing along. She has also started filling me in on all the juicy kindergarten gossip under the strict agreement that I never tell the people she's talking about what she said about them. ...Since when is six and a half considered pre-teen?

- I am finally moving out! And by "I", I mean "The Kid and me". Yep, The Boyfriend and I broke up on Saturday. Pity Party for me. Ready? 1 2 3 Awwww!
...Stop that! Why are you feeling sorry for me? Summer is the best time to be single! :) I'm not saying I'm totally happy because, well, mostly because of all the damn packing I have to do. I hate packing. And since I haven't been working, I either have to manage to get a job and find a place that I can afford in the next week or so, OR move back in with my parents for a while. Excuse me while I smack myself around for a while. I've been holding out on getting a job because we had planned to move about an hour away from here so what's the point of getting a job when I'll just have to quit? Well now there's a big rush to do everything all at once. Argh. Hi, I'm Noodge and I have officially screwed myself.

- I have naturally curly hair. I have been straightening it with a flat iron for a couple years and now, the top half is still curly while the bottom half is kinda... not curly. It looks retarded. So now I either have to straighten it all the time, or pull it back into some sort of bun things so I don't look like a douchebag. Also, when it's straight and I try to use a curling iron on the bottom, nothing happens. Nothing. Not even a hint of a curl. Hot rollers work a little better, they make it wavy for at least 10 minutes. (If you're wondering why I straighten it just to curl it - naturally curly hair is way different from straight hair with intentional curls). Stupid poodle hair.

- George Bush just said Nook-yoo-lur. *snarl*

That's all for now.

Short Message For My Keyword People

2005-05-28T22:36:00.000-04:00

Dear Whoever Was Searching For A "Rock Cocaine Recipe",
I am most heartily sorry that my site did not provide you with the information for which you were searching. I am not, nor have I ever been, a drug lord with this kind of knowledge. I googled it and found out that I'm not even in the top 50 sites for your desired recipe. Upon googling "rock cocaine recipe" and "noodge" together, I came across my post wherein I ranted about the 4 year old that was passing out bags of crack cocaine to his classmates, thinking they were candy. This is not a recipe for drugs. In the future, please remember that 6:01am is for sleeping, not drug making. Thank you. Have a nice day.

Again With The Music!

2005-05-28T22:22:00.000-04:00

For lack of having something to post about, here's another comments game. Sorry. :)

Game Stolen From OSPlayers

I've seen different versions of this before, but this is their version so I'm going to go with it.

Get ready for a Lyrics Quiz:

Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play!
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play.
Step 3: Post the list and let everyone guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: The persons with the most correct guesses get tagged to do the meme on their site.

I'm not going to tag you to do this meme (though it is one of the more fun ones out there) I'll just do up a post in about a week and put a link to all the people who got right answers. Guess one, guess 25. No fair looking at other people's answers before you post yours (well, I guess it won't matter because I'll just count the first right answers). And no fair googling the answers!. What fun is that? Some of the songs will have a couple lines because of the way the songs were written (some songs only have 3 or 4 words per line, so I'll make it a little easier for ya). If you guys are having trouble, I'll post hints in a few days.

1. I can be your John Cusack
2. We're up and we're out and we're yelling through the streets And I'm out of my fucking mind
3. The way we were The chance to save my soul... And my concern is now in vain.
4. They've deleted all the tourists At the bottom of the lake And not one supports the cause To leave the blood stay in the veins
5. Is Thumbelina size 10 on a Wednesday?
6. We better get injected just to combat our demented ways
7. I'm a Bad Boy, with a lotta ho's Drive my own cars, and wear my own clothes
8. And you never would have thought in the end How amazing it feels just to live again
9. Fucking envy changes everything
10. There's so much happiness behind these tears
11. Promises me I'm as safe as houses As long as I remember who's wearing the trousers
12. You're such a delicate boy In the hysterical realm
13. I can't stop the insects that are feeding. Pull the needles from beneath my skin
14. Out on the front porch, watching the cars as they go by, Eighteen blue, twenty one grey
15. I must turn down your offer, but I'd like to ask a break, you know I'm ready to give everything for anything I take
16. Used up all of my friends, but who needs them when you mean everything?
17. It's a non-stop disco Bet you it's Nabisco Bet you didn't know
18. Wipe the pollen from the faces Make revision to a dream while you wait in the van
19. Well I've been up all night again Party-time wasting is too much fun
20. Some will learn; many do. Cover up or spread it out.
21. You know you do, you kill me well. You like it too, and I can tell.
22. I know that time won't change a thing If we're all moving in slow motion
23. The days of wine and roses Were a long time ago
24. Now your eyes are the only thing that can save me
25. We are so young Our lives have just begun But already we are considering Escape from this world

There's a couple that I'll be surprised if almost everyone doesn't know and a couple that I'll be surprised if anyone gets them (then again, I'm not all that in the loop of new and unusual music, so it's entirely possible [not probable, but possible] that one person could guess them all). Good luck, you lyrical masters!

What's In Your Pants?

2005-05-25T23:01:00.000-04:00

I stole this from my (real life) friend on myspace (I would link him, but you have to be a member to do just about everything over there).

Time for some fun in the form of a comments game! I'm hoping you're listening to music right now. Because if you are, take the title of the song you are listening to and add "In My Pants" to the end. For example, mine would be (dammit! I should have waited for the next song) Tainted Love In My Pants.

So, tell me... What's in your pants.

Let's Talk Color

2005-05-25T19:21:00.000-04:00

Ok, I have a quick question for you guys. It has to do with nail polish. Not so fast boys, I want your input too! The thing is, I LOVE color, but I feel like a total teenybopper pimpin' blue or purple or green nail polish. Basically, any colors other than most pinks, browns and reds. I have no problem wearing the vibrant colors on the old toesies, but on my fingers, it's just different. So, girls, what colors of nail polish do you use on your fingers (if any)? Do you think 'loud' colors look ... junior high? And boys, does the color of a girl's nail polish even matter to you? I mean, I'm sure most of you are not staring at her nails thinking, "Oh... my... goodness... How could she wear that shade in public?! That is clearly an autumn shade.", or anything. But do you secretly think certain nail polish colors are horrendous and only tell your girlfriend/wife/friend/sister/mother/whoever that's it's totally hot because she'll get mad if you don't? I won't tell. I promise. :)

P.S. My boyfriend encourages me to wear silver and hot pink and all that, but I've noticed that he is basically color blind (not actually color blind, but in his opinion, his old car, which was a Champagne color, was silver, and that his new car, which is a smoky grey, is green), so I'm certainly not going to trust him on this one.

Verizon Is My Drunken Ex

2005-05-24T10:56:00.000-04:00

Well what do you know, two rants about Verizon in one week. So, I mentioned that I have a prepay Verizon plan a couple of days ago. I also mentioned that everytime I try to make a call, the computerized lady tells me just how much time I have left to talk. Well, this morning, when I woke up, I had a text message from Verizon telling me that my minutes have expired (because I haven't been getting a text message every time I made or recieved a call, reminding me that they would expire soon, for the past week?) and that I need to add minutes to keep my phone number (WHAT?!). I checked the time of the text message and saw that it came in at 2:30am. I'm surprised that they didn't also tell me that they just got home from the bar and really missed me. Anyway, the part about adding minutes to keep my number really pissed me off. I mean, really pissed me off. The point of having prepay is so I can have minutes when I want them and not have to pay every month because they tell me to. I have to admit, out of all the wireless providers I've known about through various sources, Verizon has had the best reception, which means fewer dropped calls, but that's about the only thing in the 'plus' column. They're one of the most expensive and have the least free features, even on a regular plan. I'm not sure if I'll be adding more minutes.

Where Does The Shit Go? We Wanna Know!

2005-05-22T10:46:00.000-04:00

I was just checking the Cleveland Zoo website and came across an interesting little ... uh... thing. They have this composting program called ZooPoo where you can go with your truck or containers or whatever and, from what I understand, they'll supply the shovels and you... ya know... dig in. Now I don't know anything about the price of poop, but a truck bed full of completely organic compost is $35.00. It seems cheap (to me anyway) until you really think about it. I mean, what else are they going to do with all those butt dumplings anyway? There's also straw bedding, wood shavings and leaves thrown in there. Again, what would they have done with it if no one wanted to buy it? There has to be someone out there who happened to stumble across this site that has worked or volunteered at a zoo and can answer my question. I must know! What happens to all the crap? Is it used for landscaping? Do they have someone come and haul it all away? Do they VaPooRize it? WHAT? Give me a hint here people. Because, dammit, I don't want to have to ask a zoo official and look like a total fecalpheliac.

*interesting fact - I typed "fecalpheliac" into google to make sure I spelled it right and my site was the 6th site to come up for the word. What does that say about me? Ew.*

glare at Verizon

2005-05-19T11:38:00.000-04:00

First, thanks to everyone who left birthday messages for me. You guys are so nice. And it's good to know that I'm not the only one suffering from Age Denial. :)

Now, on to the story...

I don't know how much truth there is in this story because there wasn't a link to any kind of additional article supporting what he was saying, but if it is true, I am so done with Verizon Wireless. The story says that [quote] Verizon has been funding the Right Wing Elite since 2000, including the ethically corrupt House Leader Tom Delay [end quote]. I did, however, find an article stating that Verizon has contributed more than $85,000 to the Bush campaign since 2000. There was no date that I could find on the article, so I'm not sure when it was written. I'm guessing 2004. But a couple of sources is enough for me, especially since I've been becoming increasingly annoyed with Verizon and their service over the past 5 or so years. I've noticed that most of the other wireless companies are making little additions to their service here and there to make it more desirable to the consumer. Verizon, not so much. What do they have? In. That's about it. Then if you go over your monthly time limit you have to pay about a million dollars per second. I used to have a Verizon plan that was (I think) about $50.00 a month for 500 any time minutes, free nights and weekends and free calls to other Verizon customers. A few times I went over by a couple bucks, no big deal. But once, when my bill came at the end of the month, it was about $200.00. I'm not exactly sure how that happened. I never talked on the phone during the day because I was at work. Most of my friends worked afternoons/nights so I didn't talk to them until around 10:00pm (even if I did talk to them during the day, most of them were Verizon customers so it wouldn't have mattered). My boyfriend was the only one I ever talked to before 9:00pm and usually that was only for a few minutes, then he had to go or I had to go and we would call back later (usually between 9:00pm or 10:00pm). Anyway, so I paid the bill, then the next month it was over $400.00. Four Hundred Dollars! Either I was blacking out while I talked for hours on end every single day, or Verizon is just ridiculous. I'm going to go with the second option. Right now I'm on a prepay Verizon plan and I'm paying about $20.00 a month. The minutes cost more and there's a 25 cent connection fee every time you make a call. Plus there's this computerized lady that wastes your minutes every single time you make a call by reminding you, very slowly, how much time you have left. It's total crap. Anyway, I have been loathing Verizon for a long time and this just might be the nudge I needed to finally break up with them. It's something to think about anyway.

25 & Senile

2005-05-16T01:48:00.000-04:00

On May 16th, 1980, the day started off like any other for my dad. My mom woke him up and he went into the bathroom to get ready for work. He took his morning shower and while he was fixing his hair my mom poked her head into the room and asked, "What are you doing?" My dad answered,"Getting ready for work." To which my mother replied, "I didn't wake you up for work! I woke you up to take me to the hospital!". And a few hours later there was a Me! Yes, it's my birthday (I can feel the suck already). The big 2-5. So why do I still feel like I'm about 17? Is there a certain point in your life that your mind just shuts down and refuses to believe how old you really are? I know there's times when you actually forget how old you are. I always wondered how one could forget their own age, until I did it. A few weeks ago, I was pretty sure I was, "24, no wait, 22, no... 24... I'm 24? ... Right?". Directly afterward I felt like a total ass... until I mentioned it to a friend and she told me that it's happened more than once to her. What the hell? Now that my insurance rates (should) go down, I guess the only thing I have left to look forward to is complete memory loss. I've never been one of those people that reminds you it's going to be my birthday in 257 days, 256 days, 255 days. Not even one of those people that reminds you it's going to be my birthday in 7 days, or 2 days. I figure, if it matters to you, you'll already know. But I needed to update my blog and didn't have anything else to post about, so you got the birthday announcement. Woop-dee-freakin-doo. I'm going to go sulk about being forced to grow up now.

And Again

2005-05-13T00:26:00.000-04:00

Only at Walmart will you see a Stop sign with another sign attatched to the same pole stating, "No Stopping Or Parking". Um... Do I stop? Do I just mow down the pedestrians? Which is it?

And only at Walmart will some stupid ass, determined to add to what has become my official Week Of Frustration, stand directly behind me in line and make comments about the item I plan to purchase to his friends. Yeah, I'm having my period. Wanna make something of it? (Jot that down at the top of the "Things That Have Annoyed Me This Week" list.) Judging from the silence that followed his first comment, which might have been mildly amusing in 4th grade, his friends didn't find him nearly as funny as he thought he was. Neither did I. And after the second comment, judging by the actions of the girl that was with them, things were getting down right embarrassing back there. Guys, for future reference, when a girl spits out a smart reply to your stupid comment in a frigid tone and storms away, she's not entertained.

It's too damn bad that I can never think of anything good (and by good, I mean, insulting) to say while the moment's right. I'm only witty when it doesn't count.

Just Another Small Annoyance

2005-05-12T11:57:00.000-04:00

You know, this week has been the week for annoyances and/or all around bad stuff. Today is no different.

Our driveway is shared with our neighbor who lives in the other half of the duplex. We each have a driveway leading from the road to our parking areas, but it also connects in front of the house to make one big turn-around. So why is it, exactly, that people who come to see her insist on parking on our half of the driveway? This is the second time in a month that someone has driven up and parked right behind my truck, then went over to her house. How do they know I don't have somewhere to be? You would think that if they're here to see her, she's not going anywhere, right? So... WHY ARE YOU ON MY SIDE OF THE DRIVEWAY BLOCKING ME IN, YOU STUPID, UGLY VAN?! I could see if it was just for a minute, like for a delivery or something (although, every delivery person that's ever been here has parked in the middle, blocking neither driveway), but these douchebags are apparently over there making themselves comfortable, because they stay forever. It's bad enough that I feel like I have to tiptoe around so they don't hear me (I haven't plugged my guitar into my amp for over a year and a half), and that we share a yard and I feel uncomfortable inviting people over (like for a cookout ... do I have to invite the neighbors? I mean, it's their yard too, right?). But to not be able to leave because of their visitors? .... *sigh* I can't wait until we move.

This concludes today's bitch session. Thank you. That is all.

(By the way, I don't know if you noticed that, when referring to the neighbor, I kept switching between "her" and "their" and "neighbor" and "neighbors", but... I'm not entirely sure how many people live there anymore. First it was just the landlady. Then her daughter moved in, then her grandson moved in. Then, I think, her daughter moved out. Then her grandson's girlfriend and baby moved in. Then the girlfriend and baby moved out. Then I thought her grandson moved out, but found out that he still lives there. It's too confusing to keep up with, so now I play the pronoun game.)

BMVs and ERs

2005-05-11T12:39:00.000-04:00

Remember my post wherein I bitched about having to go to the BMV? Yeah, well that's exactly what I did today and imagine my surprise when, not only was everyone really nice, but it only took a half an hour. And I had to wait in two different lines. Although, I must say, this license is the absolute worst of them yet. I don't know if they have special cameras designed to make you look like an idiot or what, but if you look at my new picture, then look at me, I look like I got a nose job. Seriously, my schnoz look HUGE. And people wonder why I have a complex about my nose. Now we know. It's because of the license bureau and their feature enhancing cameras.

Anyway, so there's the good news. The bad news? Well, not so bad anymore, but last night it was horrible. The Boyfriend is a wielder and last night he had some serious arc flash. I'm not sure how to spell that or if it's even one word or two, but for those of you who don't know what it is, it's when you go to weld something and either drop your mask too late or just aren't wearing one and burn your eyes. Kinda like staring at the sun times a million. So, he's had it a few times and, sure it was painful, but he could deal with it. Last night? Not so much. I knew he was in some serious pain when I suggested he go to the hospital and he didn't immediately shoot it down. In fact, he wanted to. He was worried about what we would do with The Kid, but hello! I think it's ok to wake a child up to make sure someone's eyes aren't permanently damaged. So off to the hospital we went. Poor guy had to keep his eyes covered with a towel because the light hurt them so bad. Well, it's not like he could have opened them even if he wanted to because they were swollen shut, but even the light through his extra thick eyelids was painful. So, he gets done with the paperwork and all that (he had a wonderful time trying to sign his name), the nurse comes over, puts a couple drops in his eyes to numb them for an eye test (turns out he has really good vision), then here comes the doctor. The same doctor I had when I cut my finger. The same doctor The Boyfriend's brother had when his jaw was infected. The same doctor The Boyfriend had when he had some wicked stomach virus that, according to him (and the nurse) was worst than appendicitis. I'm starting to suspect that there is only one ER doctor in that hospital between the hours of 11pm and 4am and, amazingly, he's never busy because I have never been in a hospital that gets you in and out of the ER so quickly. Usually you go in and end up waiting 2 hours before you get to go back and wait another 2 hours. But like I was saying, Doc comes over and looks at his eyes, says the right one isn't so bad but the left one is pretty "scratched" (he said they're not technically scratches. It's a bunch of tiny, tiny dots that make up scratches or something along those lines). So they dilated his pupils to relieve the pain (something to do with his pupils having contractions that cause them to hurt) and gave him some antibiotic drops and some pain medication. Poor guy. We didn't get home until around 2:00am and he had to get up to go work at 4:45am (and stumble around blindly with his huge pupils). So anyway, that's been my excitement for the past 24 12 hours.

Now I Remember Why I Hate Mondays

2005-05-09T11:35:00.000-04:00

Oh.My.Goodness. I don't think I could be more annoyed right now if I tried! I made the huge mistake of looking up how much it's going to cost me to renew my license and plates first thing in the morning ON A MONDAY. This is going to ruin my whole week. I'll break it down for you. State license tax is $46.00. Local/County tax is $20.00. Service Fee is $3.50. (Service fee? What the fuck is that?) That's for my plates/tags. Then for the little piece of plastic with a picture of me making a stupid face it will cost $24.00. Grand total of $93.00 for a piece of flimsy plastic and a sticker. At least I don't need an e-check, that would be an extra $20.00. This is total crap. Ok, so not only do I have to sell my soul to the state of Ohio, I get to go to the DMV and wait in line for-ev-er (this particular DMV has the longest line that I have ever seen in my entire life) to be "greeted" by some rude ass who acts like she's doing me a favor by taking all my money (this DMV also happens to have the snottiest employees I have ever met in my entire life... probably due to the long lines). So... there you have it. Exhibit A as to why Mondays suck ass. Now I'm going to go wash my truck because it's nice out and wait for the UPS guy to get here with a part for our dryer... which better come today if it knows what's good for it.

If I Could Be....

2005-05-07T23:29:00.000-04:00

I stole this meme from the fabulous Chana over at Bunny Burrow. You're supposed to pick 5 professions and finish the sentence. But because I'm not much of a play by the rules kind of gal (oh, who am I kidding, yes I am), and because I didn't really have anything better to do, I tweaked the rules to my liking... just a little. So I give you my version of If I Could Be.... Feel free to play by either set of rules.

If I could be a scientist... I would help the FBI solve crimes
If I could be a farmer... I think I would be ok as long as there wasn't poop involved
If I could be a musician... I would live happily ever after
If I could be a doctor... I would have way too much stress
If I could be a painter... I would paint everything lime green
If I could be a gardener... I would be doing what I already do now, only professionally
If I could be a missionary... I wouldn't like what I as doing because I happen to think people have minds of their own for a reason
If I could be a chef... I would be paranoid about accidentally poisoning people
If I could be an architect... I would design a much better house than Mr. Brady did
If I could be a linguist... I would travel the world without fear of accidentally saying something obscene to a little old lady
If I could be a psychologist... I would listen in on complete strangers' conversations and mutter, "hmmmm, interesting" and pretend to jot something down on a pad of paper
If I could be a librarian... I wouldn't want to go home
If I could be an athlete... I would get an award for being the worst athlete in the world... ever
If I could be a lawyer... I would have an actual reason to argue
If I could be an innkeeper... I would attatch anti-theft devices to the bath robes, just to be a jerk
If I could be a professor... I would expect my students respect my opinions, even if they don't agree with them
If I could be a writer... I would write horror novels or murder mysteries
If I could be a backup dancer... I so wouldn't be caught dead on stage with Britney "Cheeto Breath" Spears
If I could be a llama-rider... I would spend all day thinking, "Why the fuck am I riding a llama?"
If I could be a bonnie pirate... I would totally hook up with Johnny Depp and help him steal the Black Pearl
If I could be a midget stripper... I would wear tiny thongs
If I could be a proctologist... I would make horrible, horrible jokes all day long
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host... I would invite midget strippers to appear on my show
If I could be an actor... I could finally put my uncanny cry-on-command talent to good use
If I could be a judge... I would put Judge Judy's attitude to shame
If I could be a Jedi... I would kill myself because Star Wars is stupid
If I could be a mob boss... I would order a hit on the creator(s) of Star Wars
If I could be a backup singer... I would sing better than the lead singer just to piss her/him off
If I could be a CEO... I would make every day "costume day"
If I could be a movie reviewer... I would eat way too much popcorn

Whew!

Soo-ey!

2005-05-07T12:54:00.000-04:00

How weird! I was surfing BE and came across a site that directed me to another site where you can draw a pig and it will tell you your personality based on your drawing. I know everyone's sick of all the personality tests, but this one's pretty unique and kinda fun. And I have to say, my results were pretty darn right. Who knew a little piggy could do such things? You can try it out HERE if you're so inclined. It really only takes a couple minutes and then you can check out other people's drawings when you're done. Wonder what it would say about you if you just drew a piece of bacon.... hee hee, or better yet, a cop?

True Story

2005-05-06T11:14:00.000-04:00

Yesterday just might have been the most annoying, happiest, scariest day ever for me. It started off fairly normal, got up got ready for the day, yatta, yatta... Then, as I'm in the kitchen, probably getting yet another cup of coffee, The Kid comes rushing downstairs and informs me that "Lucy just knocked something over in your room". Lucy is the cat, by the way. So I say, more to myself than to her, "Oooh, if there is dirt on my floor...". So The Kid runs back upstairs, returns a few seconds later and says, "There's dirt on your floor". I'm sure a maniacal look glinted in my eyes as I stormed up the stairs and into my room to find a container of Zinnias on the floor... not on the window sill where I left them. That is the second container of Zinnias that damn, stupid cat has knocked over because she assumes she has the right of way on window sills. Not only that, but she's all but ruined another big pot of mixed flowers because she thinks it's fun to walk in it. I vowed to kill the cat. Lucky for her, she's a lot faster than me and I was content with shooting her dirty looks every time she came in the same room as me. I'm still glaring every time I see her.

Anyway, so on to the happy part. Right before we went out to wait for the bus, IT arrived. My greenhouse. Woo Hoo! I was SO super excited, it's ridiculous. I started putting it together in the house and it was bigger than I imagined it would be so I decided to wait until The Boyfriend got home so we (he) could finish assembly outside. The best part? I have counter space again! (I know, I kow, you guys are sick of hearing about it.)

And now, the scary part. I was sitting on the couch and all of a sudden was like, "*sniff sniff* What the hell is that smell?" I hopped up and ran to the stove to make sure I turned it off after cooking dinner. I, in all my 25-in-10-days glory (ya like how I threw that in?), have a habit of walking away from the stove, assuming that the Stove Fairy will come and turn it off for me. In my defense, it's electric (...boogie-oogie-oogie), therefore there's no flame so I tend to think I turned it off if the coils aren't red. Anyway, it, in fact, was off. So I looked around, trying to determine where that burning smell was coming from. Then I saw it. You know those potpourri things that you put the tea light under it and the candle melts the scented wax on top, or heats up the liquid and releases good smelling stuff? Well, although I knew that wax was flamable, I didn't really believe it until yesterday when I realized that my tea light was engulfed in flames. This, the whole fire thing, scares the crap out of me. I'm forever imagining the house burning down. Anyway, so I ran over to the potpourri burner and started puffing frantically, trying to get this thing to go out. It didn't happen, though I did succeed in moving it around and splashing burning wax all over the inside of the little chamber. Then, because I'm a total genius, I grabbed my spray bottle I use to mist my plants from under the sink and sprayed the hell out of the candle. I should so be a firefighter. After only a few seconds of pure panic I can kick a fire's ass. That little problem taken care of, I sat down in case my heart decided to go into cardiac arrest. Judging by the way it was pounding out of my chest, Donald-Duck-in-love style, it was completely possible.

Anyway, aside from finishing the greenhouse, the rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Which is good. I've had enough action for awhile. Now I must go try to clean the smelly ass potpourri burner out (it's been in the freezer for a while to make it easier) then go pay a little visit to my new ... you know... house that isn't actually green.

Happy Friday! :)

p.s. The spell check wasn't working and I'm sure I misspelled a few words that I didn't catch. Please ignore my inability to spell like a big girl.

I'm So Mean

2005-05-05T12:04:00.000-04:00

Rooooooxanne, you don't have to turn on the red light...

Guess what song is stuck in my head. And, because I'm an a-hole, it's probably stuck in yours now too. :) Don't you just hate that?

Just A Little Something To Take Up Time

2005-05-05T11:12:00.000-04:00

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

15% Upper Midwestern

15% Yankee

5% Dixie

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Greenhouse Pt. 2

2005-05-04T10:54:00.000-04:00

Thanks to everyone who had some tips about greenhouses. I really wanted to build one, BUT (you knew that was coming, right?) after going over our options a million times, we (read:The Boyfriend) decided it would be easier to just buy one. I, being the cheap ass I am, just wanted to do it ourselves, but he said he would buy it for me, so I wasn't going to argue. Actually, that's a lie, I did argue. He was going to buy the $230.00 one at home depot. Yeah, because our waterbed doesn't have a bunch of little pinholes from the stupid cat and we don't need a new mattress (we got that yesterday. It too is ridiculously huge. Must be a guy thing). So anyway, I talked him out of the super extravagant 8' x 6' hoophouse and we checked around on the internet and found THIS little ditty that's half the size and less than half the price. It's the "Four Seasons" model. It was supposed to arrive today, but thanks to the wonder of online tracking, I learned that FedEx apparently decided they were just kidding and it will be arriving tomorrow. It better be anyway, I want my kitchen and living room back! It's like a damn jungle up in here (up in here). Then again, I happen to know that FedEx's operating procedure is ... stupid, to say the least, so I might not get it for weeks. Just ask MuzikDude. Anyway, so now that I have a greenhouse on the way, I feel like I'm not allowed to get sick of planting and growing (I don't see that being a problem though. I admit, I'm addicted). And now that I have a greenhouse on the way, my compulsion to buy every kind of seed I can find is overwhelming. I saw some foxglove seeds that I really wanted to snatch up, but they're poisonous (right?... or is it just the root?). And there's a stray cat that runs around this area and I'm totally paranoid about killing the little guy (even if it does go through our garbage and is all ratty looking and makes me want to dunk myself in boiling water every time I see it). Anybody grow them? Foxgloves, I mean, not kittens. Anyway, I have about 1 million seed packets just waiting to be dropped in their new (temporary) homes so I cannot wait for this thing to get here. Now I just have to figure out what I'm going to do with my forest of flowers when they're ready to transplant. Good thing the landlady said we could "Do anything you want to the yard". We'll see how she feels about that when the whole yard is a flowerbed.

Greenhouse Help, Please!

2005-05-01T10:32:00.000-04:00

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that I started planting a bunch of seeds indoors to get a little head start on my garden. Well, I don't think I mentioned that I now have 18 containers of seedlings in my kitchen and livingroom. And, as of last night, I also now have 43 cups of seedlings that I transferred out of containers to give to someone. Well, today is the day! A couple weeks ago The Boyfriend said he would build me a greenhouse and after exploring our options at Home Depot yesterday, we're going to get everything we need and put it up today. It's going to be relatively small, but that's ok, it'll be time to plant soon anyway. I have a couple ideas, but I was wondering if any of you have any greenhouse experience. Maybe give me a few pointers? See, I'm thinking about 6mil clear plastic sheeting and thin PVC pipe on top of our outdoor table. I was also thinking about getting some wooden pallets and painting them black and putting the greenhouse on them instead of the table. I don't want to put it on the ground because, even though the land lady said we could do anything we wanted to the yard, I don't want to go around killing all the grass. Anyway, so my question is, just how bendable is PVC? A few lengths of PVC, bend them from one side of the table to the other, attatch the plastic sheeting and viola. Done. I think it would be the quickest and easiest way to get the job done, but The Boyfriend has other ideas. He wants to get either Plexiglas or that wavy greenhouse siding. That just seems like a lot more work than needed for a greenhouse the size I want. I don't know. So anyway, like I said, anyone who has experience with greenhouses or even any of the supplies I mentioned, let me know what you think. Quick, easy, effective. That's all I want.

Must... Create... Something....

2005-04-28T13:02:00.000-04:00

I have been feeling SO restless the past few days. It started the other night when I just felt like gluing something (yeah, weird). I ended up making 2 poster board size collages in 1 day (which I'll just end up throwing away because... you know, what the hell else am I supposed to do with them?). I've tried to design my garden since my seedlings are getting big enough to transplant, but I got irritated and quit. I tried to draw but I also got irritated with that and quit. Cleaning just doesn't cut it (besides, that's not creative, that's something I do all the time). I'm just in such a mood to make stuff. Boys, this is equal to your Fix Something That Isn't Broken mood. Problem is my creativity is MIA for some reason. And to make it worse, when I get in these moods, whatever I do just pisses me off because it's not good enough and I hate whatever I was working on. So, since I want to create, but have no idea what to create, I'm just in an all around pissy mood. Typical me, I know. But at least this time I have a reason.

.................ARGH! *scowl*

Ta-Da!

2005-04-25T23:12:00.000-04:00

Yup. Yet another template change. The big ass (neon color surrounded) bee had to go. Anyway, honesty guys, too much? I think it might be just a little... busy. Maybe just one sidebar instead? Darker post color? Less foo-foo-ness? I can't tell. I always like my templates when I start then end up hating them by the time I use them. So... lay it on me.

Today's Idiot

2005-04-24T00:13:00.000-04:00

Jeez, is this high school principal retarded? You know how graduating classes usually have t-shirts with some class quote on them? Well, this Florida pricipal has decided that this year's senior shirts are offensive and is punishing students for wearing their shirts.

Two seniors at this rural Florida Panhandle community's only public school have been suspended and others were punished after they violated their principal's ban on T-shirts that read "Kiss Our Class Good-bye" or "Holy Ship, we're graduating."

When dozens of Baker School students defied the edict by wearing the "Kiss" T-shirt earlier this month they were warned suspensions would follow if they persisted.

"There's an obvious suggestion that many people find offensive," Principal Tom Shipp said. "I guess I might be old-fashioned, but I believe values are important."

Some students and parents are planning to protest when the school board meets. I say, GOOD! It's senior year, there's only about a month to go, it's the only public school in the area, there's no profanity on the shirts, and this is just absolutely ridiculous. The principal said, "it's a question of obedience and priorities". Oh yeah? Well, as one student so intelligently pointed out, "The school is saying that it's more important to wear the right shirt than to be in class learning,". Exactly! So, which priorities is this guy trying to get across? He then goes on to say, "The seniors should be thinking about graduating, not some shirt,". Again, EXACTLY! Problem is, they're not thinking about graduating because he's forcing them to obsess over these stupid shirts. If his panties weren't in a twist over them no one would have even given them a second thought. Judging by this guy's "obedience" comment, it's all one big power trip. He's talking about values, but he's forcing children to miss opportunities to learn. You would think that knowledge would be more valuable than his opinion of their clothing.

He's definitely a 10 on the Unreasonable Asshole Meter.

Gang Wars & Homeless People

2005-04-20T12:28:00.000-04:00

There is a gang war going on in my back yard. Well, not exactly. Ok, ok, not even close. About a week ago I decided to hang a bird feeder from the walnut tree outside my kitchen window. The first day it was up, no takers (that I saw, anyway). The second day, a couple sparrows came around and sampled the goods. They spread the word and within a couple days there were all kinds of sparrows coming around. Now, these damn huge blackbirds have started coming around and ruining it for everyone. The feeder is small and the blackbirds are not. The sparrows have no problem perching on the side and happily munching away. The blackbirds, not so much. They're just not graceful enough to handle this thing. They fly in at roughly Mach 4, scaring all the little ones away, and slam onto this thing, which makes it swing. Then they proceed to flap wildly to keep their balance, which makes it swing more. All the while trying to hang on and eat, and since it's too small for them, they have to kind of lean to the side and bend down, which makes them flap even more because they're pretty much sideways. If they weren't so stupid, they would realize that they just knocked 1/2 the food out of the feeder and would eat it off the ground. I'm guessing they enjoy the challenge. Anyway, it's starting to annoy me because these rotund nitwits are forcing me to fill the feeder every day or so. It annoys me even more that they're bullying the sparrows into leaving. I don't care if it is the way nature works. My bird feeder. I get to decide who eats there. I'll hire a bouncer if I have to! Don't think I won't!

Yeah, I have a lot of free time.

Anyway, which birds eat at the feeder doesn't really matter since we're going to be homeless in 3 months anyway. Well, not exactly. Ok, ok, not even close. The landlady asked The Boyfriend if he wanted to buy the duplex. It would only be $50 more a month and we'd own both halves. Apparently, she wants to "go enjoy life" and renting out half of her house isn't included in that plan. She's putting it up for sale in about 3 months. So she offered it to us, and if we don't want to buy it, she's going to sell it under the condition that we can still live here. But who wants to deal with that? I wouldn't want to buy a house that it already 1/2 occupied and I certainly don't want to live in a house to which someone I don't even know will have a key. You know, when you look into renting a place, your landlord is also included with the package. You ask yourself, "Is this someone I want to rent from?". But if we choose not to buy and are still here, we don't get that option. We're stuck with whatever asshole comes along. I think it's safe to say that it's probably not going to be a crackhead or anything because, you know, why would they spend their money on a house when there's crack to be bought? But still. I don't really like the thought of a complete stranger having access to my house. The Boyfriend said that we would be living in a new place by then anyway so we don't have to worry about it. He's talking like 3 months is a long time. Not when you're moving, it isn't. The Kid isn't done with school for a little over a month, and we have to find a place that we like, we can afford and is in the school district that I want her to be in (that's the whole reason I want to move in the first place). The town I want is a little on the expensive side... because it's nice. And there's never any vacancies... because it's nice. And since I assumed we'd have the whole summer to find a place, I am just a little more than just a little freaked out about the whole situation.

Habemus papam

2005-04-19T12:31:00.000-04:00

Today is quite the historical day. It's the 10 year anniversary of the Oklahoma City Bombings and (this just in) there is a new pope! If you're not watching the news right now, I'll tell ya, Vatican City is absolutely blowing up! It kind of made me emotional when the bells starting ringing... which is weird because I don't even believe in god. I don't know if it's the crowd or the bells or realizing that this is (will be) a huge part of history or all the emotion that the people in the crowd are showing (right now they're chanting and clapping, waving flags, screaming, laughing, running and there's SO much expectation in the air you can almost feel it through the television) but, wow. I surprise me sometimes. It will still be a while before everybody gets to "meet" the new pope... and I'll be glued to my tv until then. Again, I surprise me.

Sorry. I know everyone will be posting about this, but I couldn't help it.

*UPDATE* The new pope is Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany. He has taken the name Pope Benedict XVI.

Monkey Business

2005-04-19T10:53:00.000-04:00

Even though I just posted about how PETA pisses me off the other day, even this is too much for me. The police department in Mesa, Arizona wants a monkey to join their SWAT team.

Since 1979, capuchin monkeys have been trained to be companions for people who are quadriplegics by performing daily tasks, such as serving food, opening and closing doors, turning lights on and off, retrieving objects and brushing hair.

Truelove hopes the same training could prepare a monkey for special-ops intelligence.

Weighing only 3 to 8 pounds with tiny humanlike hands and puzzle-solving skills, Truelove said it could unlock doors, search buildings and find suicide victims on command. Dressed in a Kevlar vest, video camera and two-way radio, the small monkey would be able to get into places no officer or robot could go.

Yeah, because a bullet proof vest is going to protect a monkey from someone who is crazy enough to require SWAT attention. Hmm, do you suppose the monkey would be a special "weapon" or "tactic"?

If I Could Think Of A Title, It Would Go Here

2005-04-18T09:24:00.000-04:00

I can't possibly be the only person who feels totally weird in their parents' house after moving out. Saturday night I had to dog sit because they were at my cousin's wedding (lucky for them it was a no kids reception, otherwise I would have been there and the dogs would have been in a kennel). Anyway, it just seemed really, really strange that I actually used to live in that house for... oh, I'd say about 15 years. There's been times when I've been there in the past year and a half and said something about the new light fixture in the bathroom or the new decorative molding in the kitchen only to find out that it had been there for years. Apparently I never looked up when I lived there. Anyway, so I was totally creeped out being there by myself. I felt like I was breaking and entering. Of course, The Kid was completely comfortable because she's there almost every weekend but I've only been back to the house 10 or 12 times in the last (almost) 18 months. It's not that I don't like my parents or that they're too far away (it's about an hour) or anything like that, it's just that I feel SO out of place at their house now. Like a visitor. They are forever telling me that it's still my house and always will be, but you know, like I said, it's weird. They think it's strange that I knock instead of just walking in when I go over there. I think it's polite. *shrug* Aaaanyway... enough about that.

Speaking of family though, I would like to know how my offspring happens to be the chattiest of all chatters I have ever known. I have always been a relatively quiet person. I spent the first half of my life so shy that I would turn red every time anyone I didn't know really well spoke to me. I went through a brief coming out of my shell phase, then back to shy. It's not so bad now. I can talk to people without all but passing out, but I still don't really like it. But my kiddo? Oh my goodness. She is quite the talker. Especially the past few days. Thursday night, a little before 6pm, she started jabbering.... and didn't stop until bedtime, 3 hours later. I have no idea what she was talking about. I don't think she was even talking about anything. It was more like chatter on a baseball field. Just noise. Friday morning, it was like she woke up and started right where she left off the night before... all the way up until she got on the bus. Then when she got home from school, you guessed it, right back to the yapping. ALL the way up until she went to bed on Saturday night. That's like, 2 and a half days of constant babbling (though we did have a nice conversation about Native Americans and she found out that she's 1/16 Indian, which she was totally excited about). Now, don't misunderstand, I love her to pieces and I'm glad she feels like she can talk to me and all, but oh.my.goodness. Like I said, I'm a quiet person, and dammit, I need quiet time. I'm an only child. I'm used to entertaining myself... quietly. I've always been comfortable being alone with my thoughts. Big groups annoy me because there's always about 50 people all trying to talk at once. As you can imagine, I'm a lot of fun at parties. Actually, that's a weird thing. It seems like everybody (at parties) wants to talk to me because I am so quiet. Example, this one party I went to, there was this girl there who was determined to bring me out of my shell or save me or something because she was dragging me around, introducing me to everyone as her "new best friend" (yes, exact words). Her cousin also decided that I was ultra cool and wanted to be pals (I actually got to know her pretty well over the next few months because I was dating a guy that she was friends with and ended up liking her a lot more than my new best friend that introduced us). She (the best friend, not the cousin) hates me now because it seemed like every boy that she liked (4 of them over the next 2 years or so after meeting her) liked me. I can't help it if I'm irresistible. Sure I am.

Anyway this post is getting pretty long and I'm not really sure how or why I went from talking about dog-sitting to being totally hot (oh shut up, I'm not being serious), but I think I'll stop before this turns into a novel. I know, too late.

Here Comes The Bride

2005-04-15T23:45:00.000-04:00

What is this, National Everybody I Know Is Getting Married Day? Ok, so it's only 2 couples, but still. Both are getting hitched TO-DAY! So, congratulations are definately in order to Deirdre & Rus and to Trish & Dan!

Since I'm horrible at the mushy stuff, I stole these quotes about marriage instead...

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity. ~Author Unknown

Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs. ~Author Unknown

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~Ruth Bell Graham

Marriage changes passion - suddenly you're in bed with a relative. ~Author Unknown

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. ~H.V. Prochnow

Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing. ~Duane Dewel

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. ~Kin Hubbard

Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. ~Author Unknown

Ok, that was fun. But seriously, to the happy couples -
Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile. ~Elizabeth Browning

Congratulations!

Hey Hey, Ho Ho, This PETA Party's Got To Go!

2005-04-14T12:07:00.000-04:00

KFC puts a damper (<---pun) on the PETA party

A trio of animal-rights protesters didn't find any welcome mat when they stopped at a KFC, but the restaurant manager did turn on the sprinkler system for them.

Manager John Olivo turned the sprinklers on full blast to soak the protesters from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals who were standing by the curb. They were campaigning for more humane methods of killing.

First and foremost, HAHAHAHAHA! Moving on... Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE animals, but these PETA people get on my nerves. They're a little too hypocritical for my taste. All save the animals, kill the humans and stuff. Forget water. They should have thrown meat products at them out of a window... PCU style. Promoting violence and terrorism is NOT the way to go about preaching ethics. Obviously, they boycott eating and wearing animal products (such as leather, fur, wool, silk and down) and go as far as to ruin and/or destroy these things if they see people wearing them... Which means the animal died for nothing. Way to prove a point, douchebags. They are against having animals as domestic pets and want you to turn them loose into the wild. Yeah, because a hamster is going to make it real far once it gets to the road. And of course, no lab testing of animals. Forget saving human lives, animals are more important. Yes, I believe animals should NOT be treated with cruelty, that shit makes me sick, but dammit, these people are just insane. For people who are all about the animals, they sure do have big freezers. What does that have to do with anything? Well, a freezer the size of theirs is only used for 2 things. Storing butchered meat or storing the bodies of euthanized animals (they euthanize over half of the animals they rescue... that's about 100,000 "murdered" animals a year). *Thanks to Penn & Teller - Bullshit! series for that tasty little tidbit, by the way. I do love that show.* Anyway, I don't like people telling me what to do. I don't listen to the fundies when they tell me to believe in god. I don't listen to the moral majority when they tell me support the "right-to-life". And I sure as hell don't listen when a bunch of hippies tell me how to dress and what to eat.

Our Father, Who Art In Heaven Cheetos...

2005-04-12T23:00:00.000-04:00

Oh for pete's sake. I am getting so freaking sick of this. One lady sees a "holy image" on a sandwich and the whole world loses their freakin' mind! The latest? A Cheeto... in the shape of jesus' legs. I can't seem to find a story about it on the web, but it was just on the news. Seems a lady went into a gas station the night before Easter and noticed that the bag of Cheetos was "different" than the other. She bought it and found the jesus' legs shaped cheeto and ....BIG SURPRISE HERE.... is selling them (it?) on e-bay (do I not know how to search or something? I can't find that either!). Starting bid is 99 cents (the price she paid for the bag of Cheetos). Eureka! I found it! SEE? I wasn't making it up! Bidding is up to $3.25. For a freaking CHEETO! I've had cheetos that looked like that before. I know, because I played with them and made them walk (I'm mature like that). Anyway, so.... yeah, I'd say this craze is just getting really lame.

Forget Jesus Juice. Now there's new and improved Messiah Munchies and Savior Snacks!

For those of you who believe in god and/or jesus and/or whomever; nothing personal. I'm not making fun of your religions. Just the people exploiting it. So don't get mad at me for making fun of this stuff because I'm not the one trying to make a buck off of something "sacred". These people are complete phonies. If I loved and believed in something and s/he/it/whatever sent me a "message" I sure as hell wouldn't be selling my soul to the highest bidder. Y'know?

*UPDATE - e-bay moved the Holy Cheeto. Here's the NEW LINK. Bidding's up to $50.00*

Lookie What I Made!

2005-04-12T19:48:00.000-04:00

Oh my goodness, is THIS fun! I totally stole it from ResPed. And no, I don't look like that, you weirdos. I'm much taller. ;)

Off With Their Heads!

2005-04-11T18:46:00.000-04:00

I spy with my little eye... something with eight legs. Actually, 3 somethings with eight legs. All in the same room. Every spring these little f-ers come from wherever they're hiding and take over my house. In the past... I'd say not even 2 weeks, I've killed 1 on a plant, 2 on the livingroom floor, 1 on the hallway wall, 2 in the upstairs bathroom (those 2 were hairsprayed to death), and 1 on a bag of topsoil. At least 7 spiders, plus the three on my livingroom ceiling that will soon meet their demise. I hate them. I'm not afraid of them really, they're just kinda icky... and sneaky. Who do they think they are, trying to take over MY house? For that, they must be punished. Mwua-ha-ha-ha!

Unconscious Mutterings Week 114

2005-04-10T21:20:00.000-04:00

1. Horrendous:: hmm. doesn't make me think of anything.
2. Home video:: amateur porn
3. What a girl wants:: what a girl needs
4. Grounded:: ah, the good old days ;)
5. Trusting:: the word that least describes me
6. Simplistic:: also not the best word to describe me
7. Buzz:: my template
8. Balcony:: apartment
9. Roar:: I am noodge, hear me roar
10. Hooker:: that show on HBO (I think) that shows the lives of prostitutes

Unconscious Mutterings

Pussy, Cops and Sheepboys

2005-04-09T00:25:00.000-04:00

I LOVE that my little slut kitty is running around screeching MERRRRROW at the top of her lungs and sticking her butt up in the air constantly. This is what I get for asking The Boyfriend to call the vet and make the arrangements to have her fixed instead of doing it myself (um... calling the vet, not the actual "fixing").

On a totally unrelated note, in the past 4 days I have had 2 cops cut me off and pull the car directly in front of me over. I had to slam on my brakes the second time because, I'm guessing, he was so excited that there was actually something to do that he failed to look for other traffic... ie, ME, and just darted out behind the dumb broad that had just passed me going about 75 in a 55. I know this because I was also speeding.... hee hee, too bad for her. That'll teach her to be in such a hurry next time.

Again with the unrelated.... Have you guys seen the new (to me anyway) skittles commercial? It's mixed flavor skittles or something and there's these... Sheepboys eating skittles off a tree stump or chopping block or something. It is so silly that's it actually kind of funny. Watching grown men dressed as sheep hoover Skittles off a hunk of wood and talk about candy crossbreeding is worth at least a giggle.

Concerned Letter...

2005-04-08T20:15:00.000-04:00

Dearest Blogger -
Why must you suck so much ass? Please stop it now.

Thanks in advance!
-noodge

What Next?!

2005-04-05T12:07:00.000-04:00

The school system here? Complete douchebags. I swear, for people responsible for taking care of children, they are the most unorganized people ever. First they dropped off the wrong kid after school near the beginning of the year. Then they try to tell me that I didn't pay school fees, for which I had the receipt. Now, I just got a phone call asking if they could bring The Kid back home because her school has no power and (exact words here) "In all the hub-bub, we forgot to alert the bus drivers not to pick up pm kindergarteners.". Huh-bub? What hub-bub? If the bus drivers are picking other kids up from the school at 12:30 to take them home (the school closed) wouldn't one imagine that the bus drivers could figure out not to bring more kids in? Yeah, one would imagine. Anyway, so they called 20 minutes ago... I'm still waiting. The bus driver only had "4 other kids on the bus" to drop off. So... Drop her off already so we can get on with our lives. We have shopping and planting to do.

They school's lucky that I think it's too nice outside to be at school today anyway. :)

What's A Girl To Do?!

2005-04-05T01:49:00.000-04:00

Oh Pontiac, to go or not to go. I'm talking about dirtbikes here... as in indoor dirtbike racing at the Pontiac Silverdome in Michigan. It's coming up this Saturday, which means I have to make up my mind, like, now-ish, and The Boyfriend and I have been planning on going for weeks but now I'm getting all apathetic about it. One second I can't wait, the next I have absolutely no interest in going. The ups? Dirtbikes. Racing. Indoors. And the yummy, yummy smell that fills the arena from the bikes. I would get out of the house, out of the state, even. Ooh, and I would probably have some pretty cool pictures to post (yeah, actual pictures on this site!) The downs? It's a 3 1/2 hour drive (have you people ever driven on Michigan's roads?! I'll end up with shaken ~~baby~~ lady syndrome and 4 flat tires) and there will be a gajillion-fafillion people there. I didn't go last year and have been whining about it since, but do I really want to deal with the traffic and the people? And sleeping in some hotel that who knows who slept in the bed before me? Ugh... decisions, decisions.

Celtic Horoscope

2005-04-02T23:05:00.000-05:00

You Are A Chestnut Tree

You are a born diplomat with a well developed sense of justice.
And even though you're impressive and intimidating, you're also fun to be around.
You can be irritated easily, and you sometimes act superior.
Nevertheless, you are sensitive of others feelings and very loyal.
Sometimes you feel misunderstood and are fiercely close to those who know you best.

What is Your Celtic Horoscope?

Whoa, this is pretty damn close to perfect. Except that whole acting superior thing. I can't help it if I'm just better than everyone. ;)

stolen from Master Foley

Reason Number 1,948,261 Why I Hate Birds

2005-04-02T22:30:00.000-05:00

Dammit! There is a bird. A chirping, flitting, doing whatever it is that they do all day BIRD somewhere in my house. Actually, it's somewhere between the walls. I've been hearing tweeting for 12 straight hours and at first thought it was an injured bird outside the kitchen window. When I didn't see anything, I started to worry that it was in the furnace, which used to happen to my aunt and uncle every once and a while, or in the dryer vent. But after The Boyfriend got home from work and I pointed out the sound, he said it was probably in the attic or between the walls. Sure enough, if you press your ear up against the wall in the kitchen, there it is. Yuck. So now I'm worried that a) it will starve and die in the wall, and b) if it does die, we'll get some dead bird funk in the house. I'm already obsessed with having a nice smelling house without having to compete with l'odeur de Death. How would it even get in the wall in the first place?! Stupid thing.

It's Aliiiiive!

2005-04-02T11:04:00.000-05:00

How excited am I?! The other day I picked up some packets of flower seeds and thought I'd give some wild flowers a test run in the house. After sprinkling the new seeds on the soil, I decided to toss in last year's seeds that I never planted. And wouldn't you know, it looks like they're still good because they're already sprouting. At least 50% of the seeds are already showing some activity. "Germination in 7 - 21 days" my ass. It's only been three and a half days. So, I can't wait to see what happens after a week or two. Maybe the coffee grounds I put in the soil gave them a little jump start. Now if only I could get my Venus Fly Trap to do something. It's in it's dormant state right now, so it just looks like a pot of soil that's been sitting on my window sill for a few months. Hopefully it will come up soon, otherwise I'll have to assume the worst.

Speaking of not looking too good, my majestic palm is looking pretty dreadful. Apparently you have to drown the damn things a minimum of 100 times a day for it to get enough water. I put it in the sink and went nuts soaking it and 2 days later it was bone dry. What the heck?! I do that to my other house plants and the damn things love it. They're good for about a week. I don't even know how to go about pruning a palm. Hmm... maybe it needs some coffee.

Sipi-tai!

2005-03-31T09:51:00.000-05:00

So... does anyone else think that Anwar Robinson from American Idol looks like Pootie Tang?

Just wondering.

Weather And An Idiot

2005-03-29T20:50:00.000-05:00

Oh man, was today ever nice! It was actually in the 60's in my part of the world and you better believe that I had the windows wide open. Finally, after months and months of crap, there's something resembling fresh air circulating through the house. And tomorrow it's supposed to be around 70 degrees! And then... AND THEN?! Saturday it is supposed to be 38 degrees with rain/snow showers. Yeah, that's awesome. Then again, earlier today it said tomorrow was only supposed to be 50-ish. So, I've come to the conclusion that meteorologists are just pretty much guessing most of the time. Damn them!

Anyway, enough about the weather. Now for today's idiot report. Yay!

I realize that police play an important part to the safety of citizens and all but some cops just take their authority a little too far.

Dr. Anthony Chidiac tried to explain to Officer William Lilliston that he had been speeding to get to a patient in the throes of childbirth.

Chidiac's motorcycle had been pulled over in the final block before reaching Holy Cross Hospital, traveling 35 mph in a 25 mph zone. Rather than let the doctor go, Lilliston handcuffed Chidiac and placed him in a patrol car.

(...)

Chidiac told the officer that he had a delivery.

According to Chidiac, Lilliston replied, "What are you delivering, pizza?"

The officer noted that the speeder was slow to pull over. At one point, records show, he said something like, "If you're a doctor, I'm Mickey Mouse or Joe Blow."

(...)

Lilliston said he contacted the hospital to verify Chidiac's story and also was told there was no doctor to step in to deliver the baby. Rather than release Chidiac at that point, Lilliston drove him to the hospital and marched the doctor to the maternity ward with his motorcycle helmet still on and his hands cuffed behind his back.

A nurse urged the doctor to hurry because the baby's head was showing.

But Lilliston would not let the doctor change into his scrubs, witnesses said, until he could at least show a driver's license. Chidiac said the officer had not previously asked for his license, although Lilliston said he had made the request several times.

Finally out of the cuffs, the doctor delivered the baby 15 minutes later.

I think if I was the doctor, I would have been more pissed about this cop asking me if I was delivering a pizza and then being all condescending with the Mickey Mouse bit than I would be about being handcuffed. Than again, I would be pretty damn irate about that too so maybe I'm lying. Something that doesn't make sense to me is this cop saying he asked for ID several times, when if he had, he would have known that this guy was a doctor. The doctor could have shown him his hospital ID as soon as he was pulled over if Mr. Tough Guy Copper wasn't so wrapped up in degrading him. Especially since he told investigators that he feared for his safety and didn't check this guy's bag for credentials because he didn't know if he was hiding something. First, he didn't check for credentials, but then all of a sudden he did several times? Yeah. Sure, buddy. And the whole not wanting to look through his bag thing... um... isn't that what cops do? Make sure someone's not hiding something by checking their belongings? Guess that's not part of the job description where he's from. Don't they teach the cops around there that if it doesn't make sense then it's probably not true? Lies are like a puzzle. All the pieces have to fit for it to work. What a douche.

Happy Easter!

2005-03-27T02:38:00.000-05:00

My child is going to be so hopped up on sugar in the morning. Get it? Hop? I slay me. *ahem* Aaaanyway, we went to the store and got all the stuff to put in her Easter basket and as usual, I went WAY overboard. Every year I insist that her basket is the size of a small building and end up getting enough candy for roughly 47 children. Plus the little holiday puzzles and pencils and wind up toys and all that junk. It's ridiculous. It's just a mountain of brightly wrapped sugar with a handle. I forgot to make a basket to put on the table for everyone, a community basket, if you will. I've thought about taking some of the candy out of her basket, but there's no point really. There's no way she will ever eat it all (I mean, come on, there's still Halloween candy in the cabinet) so I think it's safe to say that she won't miss a few pieces. Plus the Easter bunny is making a stop at my parents' house too. And she has the whole next week off of school for spring break to consume the mass amounts of sugar. It's going to be fun.

Anyway, in my last post I mentioned becoming a nice person. I found out today that I was just temporarily insane. The store was absolutely crazy today. I was in a pissy mood after about .7 seconds of stepping foot in the door. But something somewhat amusing happened that made me momentarily forget about my extreme hate for crowds.

The scene:
We were browsing the candy isle... ok, "browsing" isn't exactly the word. That's too leisurely sounding. I'll start over.

We were fighting for our lives in the candy isle. Carts lined up and down with nowhere to turn. Once you're in, you're in until the people in front of you, and the people in front of them, and the people in front of them (you get the picture) decide to move along. Everyone's pushing and shoving trying to get to their candy of choice and then ... it happened. This old lady right next to me decides that this is a good a place as any to crack one off. And by "crack one off" I mean, try to clear the isle via ass trumpet. She could not have picked a worse place to do this, seeing as how nobody could get away from the potential stench. Nor could she have picked a worse time (if discreet was what she was going for), because it just happened to be dead silent in the isle for that one split second. Or maybe it wasn't dead silent, and it was just that she was practically riding me piggy back, but The Boyfriend and I heard it perfectly loud and clear. He whipped around and looked at me, I'm standing there trying not to laugh or breathe. He says, "I heard that", and that was it. I shoved him out. There was no way I could have stood there for one more second without losing it after he said something. I would have been fine if he would have just acted like he didn't hear it, like I did. But noooo. He had to acknowledge it, which ruined my composure. Everyone else was just going about their business pretending, as I was trying to do, that they hadn't heard a thing. Why is it that most people do that? Be all polite about it, I mean. If someone's going to bust ass right there in the middle of a crowd with no regard for possible funk, you would think that they could deal with someone asking them if they need some toilet paper or something. Where's a kid when you need one? 'Cause you know that someone's kid would have pointed it out... Loudly. I can see it now. Old lady cuts the cheese and some little kid all but yells, "*giggle* HEY! THAT LADY JUST FARTED! *giggle* EWWW!", all the while pointing out the fragrant offender. Aah, good times.

Anyway, HAPPY EASTER!

Oh, Am I Ever Getting Weird.

2005-03-23T22:27:00.000-05:00

Has anyone noticed that all I've been talking about is Walmart? My life is so lame. But here I go with yet another Walmart story. Woo.

So I stopped by to see what I could scrounge up for dinner and while I was perusing my options, a lady seemed to be trying to see around me. Feeling like I was in her way (which was stupid because I was there first) I scooted along and said, "Excuse me". She kind of laughed and said, "Oh, no. Excuse me, I was just looking for the tea." (That in itself was a miracle. Someone showed actual, for real courtesy in a Walmart.) Anyway, I noticed that the tea was right next to me so I asked her if that was what she was looking for. She said no, she was looking for herbal tea. I told her that I knew they had it but couldn't remember where (I later noticed that it was hiding on the other side of the tea I had just pointed out) Then she said something about a different isle, "but I don't want to go back over there because there's too many people"(Which she was right about. I estimated about 17 people per square inch, plus carts.). Why am I telling you about this stupid tea conversation, you ask? Well, I'll tell ya. I DON'T start conversations with complete strangers. I'm not a "let me help you with that" kind of person. I avoid people at all costs. She's probably at home right now, telling her husband about the weird girl that tried to be her new best friend. Anyway, this strange behavior didn't dawn on me until I was in the parking lot. I was walking to my truck and there was this couple trying to put two huge boxes in the back of their SUV. I slowed down when I passed to see if they were having trouble because it was heavy or if it was just an awkward box that was making it so hard. I decided they were ok and sped back up. And then? I felt bad for not asking if they needed help. I actually stopped and turned around to double check. I was honestly THISclose to going back and asking if there was anything I could do. WHAT the hell is wrong with me?! Conversing with strangers? Almost volunteering to lend a helping hand? What, am I some sort of closet good samaritan? This new me is kind of freaking me out. I think it might be coming from my endless search for a puppy. I've been looking at rescue shelters online. They all seem to need volunteers and I've been thinking about doing just that. That's something that I would feel really good about doing. I would probably cry on a daily basis (anything that has to do with animals being hurt totally breaks my heart), but I would still be helping the little guys. There's that, and I've been on this "I want to be a paramedic" kick lately. Again with the helping! Why on earth would I want to be first on the scene of a gristly accident? Why, to possibly help save someone's life. Also something I think I would feel really good about doing. I loved learning and practicing all the rescue stuff when I was a lifeguard. I just didn't like having to jump into 4 foot deep water because some 6 foot tall asshat thinks he's drowning (ok, ok, I didn't actually have to rescue that guy, but it did happen to one of the other guards. I only ever had to assist little kids. Talk about some scary stuff right there!). Anyway, I'm starting to suspect I'm turning into a little goody two-shoes. As long as I don't lose my desire to make fun of dumb people, I think I'll survive.

Never Take Candy From Strangers!

2005-03-22T11:46:00.000-05:00

Now that I've just picked my jaw up off the floor, I'm more than a little disgusted. A 4 year old took 40 small bags of crack cocaine to school and handed them out to his classmates on the playground, thinking that they were candy. Ok, if you were in the business of selling crack, would you ever ever EVER leave 40 bag just laying around with a small child in the house, especially somewhere (obviously) within easy reach?! Actually, it wasn't just within this child's reach, it was in his bookbag. Some genius used this kid's bookbag as a hiding place. It's just fucking irresponsible! Oooh, I am so mad that shit like this happens. What if no one caught this and all these kids decided to have a little snack on the bus ride home or something? Those stupid ass "parents" would be responsible for the injury and/or death of an entire 1st grade class (I'm a little confused about this boy being only 4 years old and in 1st grade - that doesn't make sense. He should be 6 or 7, right?).

"He lives in a household where apparently there's drug dealing, and when he sees these little bags of rock cocaine around the house, they're telling him it's candy," Camilli said.

Many parents at the school learned Monday what had happened.

"(It's) not surprising, as far as right around here, because crack is like crazy around here," parent Nancy Flores said.

Not surprising?! You had better believe that I would be real fucking surprised if my daughter came home all cracked out. And who the hell tells their 4 year old, who probably loves sweets, that drugs are candy? They couldn't think of anything a little less tempting? According to the article, the child's relatives "could face narcotics and child endangerment charges". Could face charges? How about Damn Well Better face charges? I think that sounds a little better. And what the hell is with those lame ass charges? That's it? For some reason it seems like it should be more. If some a-hole put my baby in danger because they were irresponsible (just plain retarded is more like it) I would want to rip their heads off with my bare hands. This is just absolutely effing ridiculous.

All Rise!

2005-03-21T12:44:00.000-05:00

You might have noticed that I very rarely post any "real" news on here, it's always the weird stuff that I find particularly amusing. Well, in today's search for stupidity I ran across a site that posts only about stupid lawsuits. While browsing the list, an article titled Goldilocks v. The Three Bears caught my eye. It's a story about what would happen if Goldilocks would have sued The Three Bears. And it gave me an idea. There's a scary thought right there, I know. Anyway, so here's my idea. If I were to start a site (maybe titled something like Be The Jury) and then pick people to play the parts of the plaintiff(s), defendant(s), the lawyers for each and witnesses if any (first to volunteer for what they want gets the part), and make cases out of fairy tales or something like that, would anyone be interested in playing along? Everyone not involved in the case will be the jury and leave a comment saying guilty or not guilty and why after all sides have been heard. Then after everyone has a chance to read everyone's opinions (and maybe change theirs) a verdict (majority rules) will be announced. Then we'll move on to sentencing. Also chosen by the jury. It sounds kind of confusing and time consuming, but I have an idea of how it would work, and it's really not as hard or draining as it sounds (lawyers will have the most posts if there's witnesses - otherwise (if my calculations are correct) it'll be 2 posts from everyone). Anyway, so... would anyone be up for it?

I just think it would be a fun way to interact with other people around the blogosphere and meet some new people. And you would give a chance to put your high school debate team skills to good use. Or if you're like me (I was never on debate team, I just like to argue) that'll work too. :)

How Much Is The Doggie In The Window...?

2005-03-20T17:33:00.000-05:00

While we were out and about yesterday, The Boyfriend and I stopped by the pet store just to have a look around (which always leads to me pouting about wanting one of everything). Anyway, there were puppies. Lots and lots of puppies. And my heart? She melted. It is now my life's mission to get a puppy. Another good reason to move. The previous owners had two or three big dogs that, according to the land lady, they never cleaned up after... so WE'RE not allowed to have a dog because THEY were lazy. Anyway, I SO wanted to take a puppy home with us yesterday, but I probably wouldn't have even if we could. This pet shop just happens to get most of their dogs from puppy mills. I know this because one of The Boyfriend's friends used to work there and because The Boyfriend's brother got a puppy from there and EVERYTHING was wrong with it. Anyway, on one hand I wouldn't want to get a puppy from this pet shop because of that one reason. It seems to me that purchasing an animal from a place like that kind of means you condone that kind of thing. I happen to think it's cruel. Then again, if these dogs are from a puppy mill, I don't want them to sit around in tiny metal cages in a pet store and suffer. We got a cat from there (Yep, there was something wrong with it too) and by the time we got it, it had been there for at least 3 months. I think people tend not to buy mostly or full grown animals because they're just not as cute and no where near as trainable. Not so much because of the training thing when it comes to cats though. They don't listen worth a damn anyway. So back to my thing with the dogs. I went online to look up some different breeds that I just might be interested in. I'm still not sure what I want, but I know exactly what I don't want. No Sheepdogs, Hounds, Spaniels, Terriers, or anything with the word Poo in it. And nothing small, yappy, introverted, overly-aggressive, fluffy, pop-eyed, skinny, curly, hairless or anything prone to drooling, slobbering or snoring. Well, for the most part. There's always exceptions. I like big dogs. Muscular, shapely and athletic. I don't like "cute" dogs. I want people to see the dog and first think "Holy crap, is that thing going to attack me?!" then think, "That's a damn solid looking dog". Again, there's always exception. The ones I'm pro-and-con-ing so far: Alano Espanol, American Bulldog, American Mastiff, Guatemalan Bull Terrier, King Shepherd, Kunming Dog (which looks like a Shepherd, only taller and with shorter hair), Saint Bernard, and my very favorite, Boxer. I like Rottweilers and Pinschers too but dogs that are not good with kids and/or needs a very dominant owner are completely out of the question. I still have some research to do. And, you know, actually move first.

Oh, and the award for the goofiest looking dog goes to.... THIS guy.

Unconscious Mutterings - Week 111

2005-03-20T10:45:00.000-05:00

1. Stink:: stank, stunk
2. Renewal:: I need to do this to my driver's license this year. Damn.
3. I remember...:: *shrug* lots of stuff
4. Loneliness:: Smashing Pumpkins - Zero
5. Ooooh:: la la
6. For real:: hee hee my boyfriend HATES when I say that
7. Titanium:: blonde (...or is that platinum)
8. Get down:: boogie
9. Rupture:: explode
10. Dramatic:: black

Unconscious Mutterings

Cranky Pants

2005-03-19T12:39:00.000-05:00

You know... TLC just pisses me off. I watch those shows like While You Were Out and Trading Spaces and In A Fix and it really just pisses me right off. I want to buy a house. A house in which I can do whatever I want to the walls and floors and ceilings. We rent, which means every single wall is white (with the exception of the downstairs bathroom which is blue... with about 1/2 of the room covered in flowered wallpaper). Though the berber carpeting in the living room (and downstairs bath) is pretty nice (it's primarily blue with specks of every other color... it's not as ugly as it sounds) it is about 12 years old. Then there's the carpeting on the stairs and our bedroom. It's green. Not just green, but neon-ish pea soup green from the 70's. It's hot. And the carpeting in The Kid's room? That dirty pukey yellow, also from the 70's (the same color as our stove and kitchen wall tile). Even hotter. I can just imagine all the little germies hiding in that carpet if it's been here for 30 years. We've made the best of it so far. The walls are plastered with pictures, we have area rugs everywhere, plants to liven the place up, decorative items on every available surface (but not in that foo-foo, makes a person want to gag kind of way) and nice furniture. I've done my best to make the place look home-y and welcoming but I just don't know how much longer I can stand it. I hate this house. It's ugly and boring and I have to get out. I need colors. Lots of colors! Colors with ridiculous names. We've been talking about moving since last summer but we have decided to move this spring or summer for sure. I'll go alone if I have to. I hate the layout of this house. I hate that just beyond our backyard is an apartment complex (hell, every house in the town is back to back with an apartment complex). I hate that it's located on a main route. And I especially hate that I'm an hour away from everyone I know. We're planning on moving toward the halfway point between my hometown and here. Problem is, the halfway point is overpopulated, which I don't want. And the schools suck ass, which I really don't want. I want to live somewhere that when my daughter's older she can go out with her friends and I won't be hyperventilating the while time she's gone. And somewhere she can go outside and play without me hovering over her the whole time because I fear that there's some weirdo around the corner that's going to try to lure her into his car. I know that these things can potentially happen anywhere, but there are just some places that are better than others and anything I can do to lower the risks, I will do. Even in this town, which has a pretty damn low crime rate, stuff happens. A couple of days ago the school sent home a paper saying that they had a "precautionary lockdown" because "there was a report of someone in the area". Someone in the area? What kind of someone?! Who reported this someone? How did they know this someone was not supposed there? And just how big an area are we talking here? A letter that was a little less vague would have been great. You would think that they would want to pass along all the details so we could be on the look out at home as well. Not some ambiguous ass, just the basics, piece of crap letter. I'm getting away from the point of this post, but I guess I just realized that it's not just the house itself that is bothering me here. It's everything, from the traffic situation, the rude people and our stupid mail person who NEVER closes the damn mailbox (this is especially annoying when it's snowing because the mail become a giant wad of ice). I can actually see the contents of our mailbox from here (she just came). Looks like we got one of those So-And-So-Is-Having-A-Sale papers and a letter. To the neighbor's huge frickin' dog that always gets loose, the bugs that I've never even seen before (and the animals that I've never wanted to see... like the skunk that was wandering around our front yard), and the lack of landscaping around here (or more specifically, the amount of cement, stone and unkempt lawns). Right down to our ugly carpeting. It all just makes me crazy and irritable. Ugh. I'm going to go clean and/or rearrange something.

Just Call Me Limpy McGimp

2005-03-18T10:31:00.000-05:00

Thanks to yesterday's getting stuck in the driveway, my left leg below the knee is killing me. Remember all the rocking I mentioned? Well in order to rock, I had to work the clutch like a madwoman. I got a 20 minute 1 leg work out. So now my calf and especially my shin are being total bitches. Ok, ok, so it's not that bad. But what can I say? I'm a whiner.

What the hell? Shin splints from (not even really) driving? Yeah, I am in GREAT shape.

He Should Have Watched More Cartoons

2005-03-17T18:33:00.000-05:00

Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Robert Downey had the mask and the attitude to be a successful robber. But he ruined the effect when he tried to stage a hold-up at his local bookmaker's shop - using a banana.

Noting the suspicious bend in the so-called "weapon," the clerk calmly called the police and on Wednesday, Downey was jailed for nearly seven years for attempted robbery.

(...)

Donning a mask, he headed for the bookmaker's shop, pausing only to get a banana from the greengrocer on the way.

In the bookmaker's, he pointed the fruit wrapped in a plastic bag, screaming, "I want the money or I will (expletive) shoot you."

This did not produce the desired effect: assistant Peter Humphrey calmly turned to a colleague and said: "He said he has a gun, but it might be a banana."

Downey then produced a pair of scissors, "but seeing no money was going to be handed over he ran out of the shop," said prosecutor Patrick Cahill.

When police arrived they found the 24-year-old nearby trying to pull off his over-tight balaclava. A police dog found the badly bruised banana still in its bag nearby.

"He says he has a gun, but it might be a banana." Fucking classic! I love it. How stupid does a would-be robber feel right about then?

Downey's lawyer, Rajiv Menon, called the robbery attempt "farcical and incompetent."

Um... duh. He tried to rob someone with fruit! FRUIT! Of course it was farcical. And it wasn't even a hard fruit that he could use to hit them with if all else failed. Hello! Bananas are MUSHY! The only things a banana is good for in this situation would be 1. A quick snack and 2. After eating the banana for a snack, throwing the peel on the ground for the pursuing policemen to slip and fall on.

Was Today Really Necessary?

2005-03-17T13:38:00.000-05:00

Great day so far. No really... Just fabulous. You can't hear it in my voice, but that was sarcasm. This is the part where I pretend you really want to know about it. So... it finally happened. I got stuck in my driveway. The worst part? I was even moving yet. Yeah, I could not get out of my parking spot. So I rocked.... and rocked... and rocked. When I realized that alone was getting me absolutely nowhere, I got out and assaulted the area around the passenger side tires with a shovel, then an ice scraper. Then I rocked again. Turn the tires, rock, nothing. Turn the tries the other way, rock, nothing. Nothing. Back out to beat the crap out of the ground, back in to rock. I'm not sure exactly how long this went on, but by the time I finally got out of the driveway, the cd I put in when I initially got in the truck was on track 5. What's that, about 15 - 20 minutes?

So then I go to Walmart. Horrible thing to do when you're in a bad mood. Now, I love that store, but the people in the store? Not so much. They are the biggest bunch of rude ass, inconsiderate, stupid mother *shut your mouth*s. Aside from the people playing bumper cars with their carts, there's always someone's kids either running around completely unsupervised, and/or kids screaming at the top of their lungs and some lady yelling at him to Shut The Hell Up at the top of her lungs. Then there's the old women. You know the ones I'm talking about. Not the lovely, little old ladies enjoying a day out, no... I'm talking about the scowling, angry, I-don't-care-if-you-were-here-first-get-the-hell-out-of-my-way types. I hate these people. Hate them with a fiery passion. A simple "Excuse Me" usually works. Glaring then ramming with your cart does not. Anyway, today there was this one cantankerous old biddy shoving her buggy along, repeating, "I don't like grabby kids, I don't like grabby kids". I'm guessing the small child in her cart swiped at something she wanted and Granny decided that the best way to insure she never did it again was to repeat just how much she hates her. Nice. That didn't have anything to do with me, it was just kind of annoying.

Anyway, I needed cigarettes and there's only one line in which you can by them. And conveniently for me, the damn lane was closed. So I went to the very next lane. Two feet away. She cashier rings up my purchases and asks if there's anything else. I tell her what I want and she says, "Ya can't buy cigarettes in this lane". So I say, "Uh, that lane's closed." She says, "I don't think she's still closed". Yeah, the light is off, there's sign on the counter stating that the register is indeed CLOSED, and there's no one there. But it's open? Oh, will the cashier ring me up via telekinesis? So then my Hee-Haw cashier starts yelling to someone about 5 isles down, "HEY! ARE YOU STILL CLOSED? HEEEEY! ARE YOU CLOSED OVER HERE?" Take a hint, dumbshit. Then she turns to me and tells me, "She's not closed anymore." Wow. I must be good. I mean, I drove all the way there (getting stopped by EVERY.SINGLE.RED.LIGHT I might add) and navigated the store, picking out exactly what I wanted, and avoided being mowed down by sadistic cart pushers... All while BLIND!? What a freakin' idiot. Anyway, Closed Lane Cashier finally comes back while I'm fiddling with the card swiper machine... this means I have to finish paying for what I bought in the first lane... then hop over to that lane and wait in line again. Behind a lady who magically appeared the instant the lane opened. Who had a coupon... that she couldn't find it. I got the hell out of there as fast as I could because, you know, I wanted to catch every single red light on the way back home too. Which I did successfully.

Man, some days are just lame.

Kiss Me, I'm Irish!

2005-03-17T10:38:00.000-05:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

According to the news last night, some bars were going to start serving alcohol at 7:00am this morning to help the estimated 250,000 people celebrate in downtown Cleveland today. I'll be at home... not getting trampled by drunkards.

Make It Stop

2005-03-16T23:54:00.000-05:00

So it begins again. The onslaught of cheesy song and dance commercials has commenced... FULL FORCE. If I have to see one more overly enthusiastic person wearing ugly clothing hopping around like an idiot in an unlikely situation one more time, I swear I'm going to... well... I'll probably just deal with it. But I won't like it. Especially that stupid STUPID commercial with that Sarah Jessica Parker broad singing I Enjoy Being A Girl... oooh, I will stab out my eardrums with a dull instrument, then proceed to use said dull instrument to gouge out my eyeballs.

Why can't they just go back to playing the classics like... the Quizno's commercials with the creepy dead hamster puppet... thing... whatever it's supposed to be singing about coupons for pony rides and hair plugs? Now that's good tv.

What The Hell?

2005-03-15T19:00:00.000-05:00

I just had an interesting interaction (it wasn't really a conversation) with my daughter. The past couple of weeks she has been not very into taking her nightly bath or shower. Her excuse? "But I took one yesterday!" Ummm... when did this become a valid excuse not to bathe? And just where did she learn this 'every other day' logic? Ew.

Another Girly Post BUT There's Also Something For The Guys!

2005-03-15T11:18:00.000-05:00

Excuse the girly-ness again, but I just found THIS "recipe" on how to make room fresheners using unflavored gelatin as the base. From what I gather all you have to do is make some jello and add candle fragrance. You don't even have to burn it. Just open the container you put it in and it smells up the whole room. I think I just might have to pick up some gelatin today when I'm out. I wonder if using flavored gelatin and adding fragrance would work. The only thing I wonder about is doesn't gelatin kind of "melt" when it gets warm? I'll let you know if I make them. And since I know the boys who read this are not especially excited to know about my foo-foo-ness, here's a link to a site that tells (and shows) you how to use your microwave to do stuff other than cook. Oh, and you can thank Ontario Emperor for suggesting I make girly posts more appealing to the male gender. Go visit and enjoy! :)

Hello, My Name Is Noodge And I'm A Scaredy-Cat

2005-03-14T22:49:00.000-05:00

Why do I insist on doing this to myself? I watch stuff like Unsolved Mysteries and documentaries about serial killers and all that creepy stuff then I don't want to leave the house for the next 2 weeks. I'm watching a show about BTK and I just found myself checking to make sure the doors were locked. I think I worry about this stuff more than the average person. I expect the worst from everyone at any given time. The other day there was this guy wearing a long coat walking with his arms kind of crossed through the store. He just gave off that sinister-guy vibe and I immediately thought, "That guy looks like he's hiding a gun. Maybe I should leave. What if it turns into a hostage situation? What should I do? Shit. Ooh, that's a cute skirt!" Then promptly forgot about him. Yeah, I get side tracked easily. Anyway, am I the only one who is creeped out by about 75% of the population? Seriously, you just never know about these people. They're always "the guy (or girl) next door". Speaking of which, my parents' next door neighbor is just a little ... odd. He spent some time in a psych ward (a couple/few times actually) after claiming he was Jesus and said that God told him to drink bleach. His wife took him to the hospital and when they didn't find any bleach in him he said that of course they wouldn't find it because God prevented them from seeing it. I'm not trying to bash him or anything because he really is one of the nicest, gentlest people I know. He always says hello to me and asks how I am when I see him, always says hello to my daughter, asks my parents to let his dog out when they go away for the weekend. Hell, he held my daughter when she was only a couple days old and cuddled her like any baby-holding expert (they don't have children (something to do with his wife's health, I think) so I was surprised at how comfortable he was). But how do they always describe the serial killers? Upstanding members of the church, friendly, liked by almost everyone... stuff like that. I guess I just don't trust people in general. I'm constantly in a state of semi-panic whenever I go somewhere alone at night (even in my truck)... even when it's broad daylight I'm always thinking about what to do if I'm approached or attacked. Thank goodness I never went to college. I'd be a complete sociaphobe. I used to hang out in a college town with a group of people that went to the school and one of the girls that was an acquaintance was raped by 2 guys right around the corner from their house. Another acquaintance was "attacked" by a homeless person at a gas station while she was pumping gas. He wanted money. Luckily she was wearing a big ring and punched his hand when he grabbed her arm, causing him to let go and giving her the chance to get in her car and call the police from her cell. I used to hang out there all the time. I mean, ALL the time. I didn't even like walking the 10 feet from my truck to their door.

Man, I hate thinking like this. I would love to meet people and think, "What a nice person." without also thinking, "or are they?". I'm so judgmental of people who look even just a little off. Like, naturally. Not the ones who strive to look weird. I'm fine with them. But anyway...

I swear, I'm getting weirder by the second.

Watch Out, I'm About To Get Girly On Your Ass

2005-03-14T12:07:00.000-05:00

Yesterday The Boyfriend and I went to Bath and Body Works because my poor mommy has pneumonia and I wanted to get her something to make her feel good even if she doesn't feel good. Well, when I got to the register I was informed that I got a free item because I bought 3 items. Woo! So I asked the girl what she suggested because the boyfriend was getting antsy (we were there for 15 minutes... that's 5 minutes longer than his time limit) and she told me about the lovely, delicious, oh-so-yummy smelling Black Raspberry Vanilla scent. Oh my gosh, you guys, I smell like a walk in the forest on a lazy summer afternoon (but not in that sweaty, pine-y, I just stepped in squirrel poop kind of way). Anyway, this stuff smells soooo good. Kind of tangy (think lemonade). I love it. I also got some White Tea and Ginger stuff because it is equally as tasty smelling and I was almost out. It's a very light, spring-y smell. Scrumptious.

Anyway, so next we went to Walmart because I wanted to get a basket and some other items to put in it for my mom. I ended up getting 2 baskets for $5 (bonus!) and some stuff like green tea and chicken noodle soup and some snacks that I know she likes but probably wouldn't buy. Anyway, we were wondering around and I spotted these flowers. OH my goodness, they were the coolest flowers I have ever seen. The middle was white and the outside was a deep, deep purple, almost like a royal blue. So I grabbed one of those and another one that had pink edges. After I got home and saw how good they looked in the basket, I decided that I really, really liked them and must have my own. So I will be going to Walmart shortly to hook myself up. If I can get out of the driveway, that is. I've mentioned that I hate driving before, but I don't know if you can understand just how much I hate driving in the winter. Especially because our driveway is stone, which means you can't shovel it for crap, and uphill... which means it's just a big ice slope by now. When you back up from your parking spot you're already halfway down the hill and it's impossible to get back up (we have one of those driveways that goes up in front of the house and back around to the road since it's a busy road and all but impossible to back out... trust me, I've been forced to do it a couple times, it sucked). And when you pull in from the road you have to gun it to get up the driveway... but not too much or you'll just slide off into the grass. Great fun. Anyway, since I hatehatehate driving in the winter, I'm not all that used to it and I'll feel like a complete idiot if I get stuck after 2 feet of driving... in my own driveway.

Anyway, back to what I was talking about before I made a short story long. While we were at the store yesterday I also bought a Majestic Palm (it's not very "majestic" right now... I mean, we did get it from Walmart for $7.00, but with a little pampering it'll be just fine.) I originally got it to put in an empty space between a chair and end table but this thing is so damn big that it covered half the chair and most of the table. Hello rainforest. Speaking of this thing being huge, I think it should have a name. I've decided that it's a boy. I think "Frank" (pronounced "Fronk", like the wedding planner in Father Of The Bride) has a nice ring to it, but I'm open to suggestions. So for the sake of Frank we're going to re-arrange the livingroom (actually, just move the fishtank so we can push the couch over and make some space on the other end of the couch). Now all I have to do it tell The Boyfriend that I've elected him to do this.

I have also decided that I need to get my ass moving on planting some seeds indoors so I can plant actual flowers outdoors when the time is right. Who wants an empty flowerbed that may or may not grow something? So I need to get some pots. And since I'm getting so in depth about what I plan on doing today, I also plan on picking up a gallon of milk, a gallon of distilled water, a new outfit for The Kid for "spring pictures" tomorrow (are spring pictures really necessary?) and a new pot for Frank. Oh, and I'm also thinking about washing the walls in the kitchen later. And I'll probably go to the bathroom a few times too. And there you have it. Now you know more about me than you ever wanted to.

Have a great day.

Unconscious Mutterings Week 110

2005-03-13T18:21:00.000-05:00

1. Shape up:: or ship out
2. New Orleans:: Mardi Gras
3. In the bedroom:: hey, that's just none of your damn business
4. All the time:: first "in the bedroom" then "all the time"... sheesh.
5. Philosophy:: books (yeah, I'm a real deep thinker)
6. Tyler:: Steven
7. Disturbed:: Down With The Sickness
8. French kiss:: isn't that a movie?
9. Solidify:: jello
10. Furtive:: sneaky... actually it reminds me of ferrets.

Unconscious Mutterings

Check This Out!

2005-03-11T23:29:00.000-05:00

Oh. My. Goodness. OhMyGoodness! THIS is the coolest thing ever (next to the real thing, of course). You can create your own band and play music online! I'm so addicted.

*warning - this "game" can potentially take up your whole day. :)

Woop-de-freakin'-doo

2005-03-11T12:04:00.000-05:00

Just heard on the news:

Record for Ohio snowfall is 101.1 inches. So far we've had 95.8 inches. This means we only need 5.3 inches to break the record. Oh... Good... Imagine my supreme enthusiasm.

*grumble* If I wanted snow and subzero temperatures I'd move to Antarctica.

My Little Girl Is Such A Little Girl

2005-03-11T10:46:00.000-05:00

Nice. My 6 year old is "reading" a Vogue magazine (while she's wearing grey sweat pants and a pink frilly shirt that she insists matches). And now I'm trying to explain the concept of "high fashion". Example: The Kid says, "What's this picture all about?" (If you've ever watched America's Next Top Model then you know the (ugly) type of photos I'm talking about). My reply, "High fashion". Then she says, "Hmmm." like she's contemplating the complexities of the fashion industry. Am I the only one who finds this just a little disturbing? And now she's ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the perfume samples. She is such a girl.

Oh goodness, she just asked me if she'll get fat if she doesn't have a baby. She's already told me (numerous times) that she never wants kids because it will hurt. Where the hell does she learn this stuff? I have a sneaking suspicion that it's her little know-it-all (translation: full of crap) friend at school.

Stephen King Better Watch His Ass

2005-03-10T17:18:00.000-05:00

I guess THIS means they don't encourage creative writing classes in Kentucky.

William Poole, a high school junior from Kentucky, was taken into custody and charged with threatening to commit second-degree-felony terrorism for writing a story about a horde of zombies who wreak havoc in a school. It seems the boy's grandparents had been reading his journal, found a story he'd been writing for English class and promptly turned him in. According to a police detective, "Anytime you make any threat or possess matter involving a school or function, it's a felony in the state of Kentucky." Based on that kind of reasoning, a judge raised Poole's bond from $1,000 to $5,000 after prosecutors requested it, citing the seriousness of the charge.

Not only are his grandparents just a little nuts for turning this stuff in but, hello(!) have they never heard of privacy? The kid is 17 (for pete's sake) and was using his imagination (*gasp*) to write a story. The horror. And what possessed them to run directly to the school with this anyway? He was writing it for an English class. Meaning he was probably going to turn it in eventually for a grade. This kid is apparently some sort of genius. Not only does he cleverly put his threats into the form of a story, but must have also somehow created an army of flesh eating zombies to carry out the attack. Ok, everybody, all together... Run around in circles and scream because the zombies are coming to eat your brains.

I swear, people do stupid stuff solely to give other people something to blog about.

scowl

2005-03-02T22:12:00.000-05:00

Ugh! Could this week get any worse?! I have been in such a bad mood lately. This morning The Boyfriend hooked up a computer that he get from his brother and I promptly broke it. Oh yes. I downloaded Spybot and ran it and it found 243 spyware/adware problems. Well, when I restarted the computer like it said to so it could get rid of a few adware programs that were running, the damn stupid thing wouldn't start. Actually, it started but it wanted the windows installation number... which we don't have. So we tried to start it with a startup disk and after trying a few different things to correct the problem, it continued with the whole starting process then said there was an internal error with explorer and shut off. Yeah, real frickin' cute. So that totally sucked up my whole day. So there was that and then a few minutes ago I heard on the news that we lucky Ohioans can expect shit weather for the next 10 - 15 days with one to three inches of snow every couple days or so. Hello, MARCH!? Yeah, I'm a little more than irritated now.

On a totally unrelated note, Tori Amos' new cd totally rocks my socks.

Oh yeah, and the Tooth Fairy is coming tonight for the kiddo's tooth. Woo-Hoo! :)